Losing me, gaining you
by Anakin's Girl 4eva
Summary: Anakin loses his hand, but gains the love of his life. Is this too much for the young padawan to handle? Especially when the dark threatens to come ever closer....COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1 Anakin Wakes

**Hey all, look who's back! Thats right, its me and the Star Wars gang! Epsiode 4 is nearing completion butI thought of this little thing here whileI was sitting in English and thought you might like something to keep your wait for episode 4 entertained. If you are new to my fan fic, then welcome! I hope you enjoy what you see and if you do, check out my other one, my alternate ending to ROTS. **

**Alrighty then, this one is basically just after Yoda and Dooku's fight in AOTC when Anakin is waking up from losing his arm. The various chapters will be written from different characters points of veiw, the first of course, being Anakin's. I'll stop chanking now and let you get on reading. Enjoy, Reveiwand May the Force be with you always. xx**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of Star Wars, it is all george lucas' wonderful creation. All i do is delve into his world and twist the story round a bit.**

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I gasp as the pain flows through my arm. No…I look down to see not my arm, but a horrible writhing stump where it used to be just one minute ago, the end still glowing like it could at any moment catch alight.I'm breathing heavily, and the sweat is pouring down my face. The battle comes back to me, flowing through my head like a holo-movie, I watch it all, watch myself lose my lightsabre and half of my arm along with it. I kick myself for being so stupid, for allowing myself to fall into Dooku's trap.

Obi-Wan's boot shift's underneath my head, and I groan as he slides out from underneath me. I feel two strong hands reach under my arms, well what was left of my right arm, and pull me gently to my feet. I'm barley able to stand, the pain growing more intense as my thoughts are diverted from the past back to the present. I didn;t understand how he managed to liftme, he himself had been injured too, but one quick glanceat Obi-Wan told me that he was alright, and that he was more concerned with me, as always.

I hear my name yelled from across the hanger, and look up to find Padme standing fearfully in the doorway. I limp slowly towards her, but she has reached me before I could take two steps. Wrapping her arms around me, and my remaining arm around her, we no longer cared who was watching this display of affection. Well, I didn't, it was a relief to be able to have someone holding me close, like my mother had done, but Padme, ever the diplomat, quickly realises her mistake and pulls away, holding my arm to keep me upright. However, her dainty frame is not quite enough to support my flow of pain and weakness, and I feel my legs buckle underneath me, bringing me down cursing Dooku all the way for what he has done.

But I never hit the ground, as Obi-Wan is there to catch me, like he always was and will always be. Slipping his arm gently around my waist, pressing a hand firmly on my chest, he kept me upright, the look of concern growing rapidly on his face. I hear him mumble something to somebody, but that's all I can make out. A low distant, rumble of noise that somehow sounds vaguely like my Master. The edges of my sight grow black, as I feel the burning pain course up my nerves, through my stump.

Noises come from all around me, and I close my eyes as I am lowered back onto the ground, or what I thought was the ground. I felt a squeeze on my hand, and open my eyes to see Padme clutching it, supporting me in the only way she could. I smile weakly at her, holding back the screams of agony that want to escape from my dry lips. Then a hand sweeps over my forehead, and I look up into the eyes of my Master, and I hear him clearly although his mouth doesn't move.

_Anakin, relax. I have to put you in a healing trance until we can get you back to a med centre. It will stop the pain, and you will be comfortable._

Slowly I nod underneath his kind, guiding hand, and do as he instructs. As my eyelids flutter closed I hear him mummer again, and feel Padme's hand stroke my cheek, and sneak a quick peck to my forehead. Then, Obi-Wan's power takes over, and I shut down deep in a healing trance, slowing my heart rate to a steady pace, trusting Obi-Wan to bring me back.

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Yes this is short, but all the chapters will probably be like this. So guys, review, reveiw, reveiw...if you dont mind that is! lol 


	2. Chapter 2 Padme Watches

**A/N: Hey everyone, back with another chapter. This is written in Padme's point of view, when Anakin is being transported back to Couascant for medical treatment. **

**Hopeless4life - Here's the update for you, and thnak you for being my first reveiwer! Spread the word! Hope you like this next chapter.**

**IntelEwok - Thanks for your support, hope you read this next chapter and like what you see!**

**Once again Read, Reveiw and Enjoy! Please reveiw, Anakin and I like reveiws! lol**

**DISCLAIMER: George Lucas refuses to give me the rights to Star Wars, therefore, I can only borrow his characters to abuse and put through emotional torture as I please. Oh yeah and all the settings and junk and stuff.**

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I sat beside his cot, and watched him breathe, content to watch the gentle rising and falling of his muscular chest, breathing a sigh of relief myself every time I see it do so. Obi-wan had reassured me that the wound isn't fatal, and that Anakin would not slip away from us. It was only, after all, a missing limb that can easily be replaced, not a direct blow to a vital organ. But that is not what causes me to worry, what causes fear to flow through my veins; it is Anakin's mental state that worries me the most.

Anakin hates to lose, hates to appear weak, and would be willing to do anything to make the perpetrator suffer for his lose; this much I could gather from his violent reaction to his mother's death. But he didn't only blame the Tusken's for that. There is another that he blames, and it makes me shiver to hear his cold words resound in my head.

_It's all Obi-Wan's fault! He's jealous, he's holding me back!_

That fateful event had been the first shattering blow that I knew of anyway, to his fragile young mind. Was it possible that it had caused Anakin to lose faith, to lose trust in the one man who had become his father, that Anakin himself would sacrifice his own life for? I shudder to think of the complexity of Anakin's mind and exactly how much damage Dooku had done.

I am pulled away from my thoughts as I see Anakin stir from the corner of my eye, and hear his low groan of pain echo around the small cabin. Gently I lean over, avoiding his stump of arm he had left as best I could. I take his hand between mine and give it a reassuring squeeze, slowly intertwining my fingers with his.

Eventually he settles back into a dreamless trance, but it becomes oddly unsettling to me as he stills so suddenly, to me he looks….. I gently lay my head on his chest and listen as his strong heartbeat pounds through my ear, his steady rhythm falling in time with my own, easing my shaking limbs, relieving me of my fear.

How long I remain like this, I am unsure. The next thing I remember is opening my eyes as a hand lays itself gently on my shoulder, and I turn to look into Obi-Wan's smiling eyes. I hastily pull my hand away from Anakin's, fearing that Obi-Wan had sensed the worst. I opened my mouth to speak, but he silenced me with a shake of his head.

"Tell me nothing, and I know nothing."

I smile gratefully at him and pull him into a gentle embrace, always wary of his own wounds suffered in battle.

"Senator, we will be reaching Courascant in a few moments. I would advise when we reach the planet that you prepare yourself to leave for Naboo once more. There is much work in the senate that the council feels you will be needed for."

I swallow back tears as the thought of being torn away from Anakin again for another ten years crosses my mind, but my senatorial training keeps my face and voice expressionless.

"Thank you Master Kenobi. I wish Anakin all the best."

"I am sure you will be seeing him sooner rather than later Milady. As your protector, he still has to escort you back to Naboo before he can complete his mission officially. I am sure the break will be ideal for him to re-gather his thoughts and set his emotions back in line."

Slowly I nod, beating back the desperate urge to fling my arms around Obi-wan's neck and kiss him on the cheek in elation.

"Please take care of Anakin for me until then. I feel partly responsible for this. If I had not persisted in coming to your rescue, then Anakin wouldn't be in this mess."

"Do not blame yourself senator. Anakin did bring this on himself partially too, him being as head-strong and impulsive as he is."

The ship shudders to a halt, and with a small smile, and a quick kiss to Anakin's pale forehead, I depart from the ship and into the long corridor, where I watch with a heavy heart as Anakin is hurried along to the Medical Bay. Leaning against a pillar, I sigh.

"Oh Anakin, what are we going to do?"


	3. Chapter 3 Obi Wan's Guidence

**A/N: Hey everyone. I can't believe this, I have so many people veiwing my story, and some even on alert but only two people are reviewing! Is it really that bad guys? Please if it is let me know, i dont care if you flame, constructive critism is good! Please review, its very downheartning to think that no-one likes this. So anyway, Obi's point of veiw now, oh and thanks to all who have out my story in your C2 communities, that is such an honour! May the force be with you always - Anakin's Girl 4eva.**

**Hopeless4life - lol, here's the chapter for you so you can stop begging me to update now. Hope you like it. xx**

**IntelEwok - Sorry but Anakin isn't going to properly awake till the next chapter when it turns back to his point of veiw. Hope you like this one though. xx**

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Calmly I sit on the edge of a bed in the healer's wing of the Jedi Temple. A young healer tends to my wounds, bathing them and dressing them as softly as possible, however at that particular moment, I wouldn't have noticed of she stabbed me with a needle. My mind was elsewhere, with a young Jedi undergoing a painful and traumatic operation. Every so often, I can hear him scream in agony through the force, still deep in a Jedi trance that was starting to fade with the barrage of pain being bombarded into his fragile spirit.

I shift restlessly, feeling the uneasy guilt of a father betraying his son. How many times had Anakin stayed with me during long bouts of painful healing? Too many for me to count at that moment. And now when Anakin needs me the most, I'm here having my own minor scratches seen to.

Irritated that such minor wounds would bring me down so easily and that the time that could be spent helping Anakin was being wasted on said wounds, Ifrown,tensing my muscles.A gentle touch to my hand makes me jerk back to reality and out of my mind, instinctively throwing up my force barriers for protection. A young face smiles gently at me, sending me reassurance.

"Almost done Master Kenobi, just a couple more gauzes and you are free to go."

"I thank you for your speed and attention, though I do feel that your time and mine could be spent better elsewhere."

Slowly a smile crept across her face, already knowing exactly what I meant. She cocked her head to the side and carried on, although speaking to me in a whispered manner, as though I was a restless child that she was trying to deal with.

"You won't be allowed in the treatment room you know Master Kenobi. The procedure requires a lot of equipment that takes up a considerable amount of room and the room itself is quite small. The best thing you can do for Anakin is to let him feel that you are near and waiting for him with guidance and reassurance for when he comes round."

Smiling I realise just how much sense her words make in my haze of confusing thoughts. The uncluttered logical thinking of those younger than me never ceases to produce miracles. But I still couldn't shift the uneasy pang of guilt that was strumming gently in my heart, and for some reason, I got the feeling that it was not my own.

"There you are Master Kenobi, just keep these regularly changed and…."

But she is cut short as the doors down the end of the corridor can be heard swinging open and a quiet chatter of voices accompany the gentle hum of the hover bed down the long corridor. I breathe a sigh of relief and anxiety as I limp to the doorway just in time to see Anakin sleeping on the bed, heavily under the influence of anaesthesia. The healers would not have used this unless it was an emergency; obviously Anakin had been snapped out of his trance by the pain.

Silently I follow the procession of healer's, patient and med equipment, giving thanking smiles to those healer's who caught my eye, until we reached a small room. As Anakin was wheeled in, I gave a quiet chuckle as I recognised the surroundings. This was the room that was always available, specially reserved when Anakin and I went away on missions as it was so frequently needed for one of us by the end of them, well Anakin more than I really. The healer's smiled along with me as they hooked Anakin's IV drip up on its stand and set the med equipment up. One of them came over to me, and placed a hand gently on my arm.

"We thought it best to place Anakin in a familiar setting. Chances are he's not going to have a clue where he is. Let us know as soon as he wakes so we can have a few words with him."

I nod, not finding words enough to express my deepest gratitude. She, and the other healer's bow respectfully and leave, allowing me to cross from the doorway to Anakin's bedside. I look over my young Padawan and gaze sadly at him. His face is still deathly pale, but he seems at peace. He is no longer shaking, and he seems to be enjoying a quiet sleep, one which he has not achieved since the nightmares began almost two years ago.

Gently, I reach over and stroke his short blonde hair, sending as much reassurance to him as possible, letting him know through the force that I was indeed here waiting for him. Then I see a glint of metal out of the corner of my eye. I look down and frown in disbelief at what I saw. It looks like it is made of gold-plated bone with wires, electro-drivers and electrical pulses surging through the system of intricate wiring, all of which could be seen. I shake my head, my hand clamped over my mouth so as not to make a noise and disturb Anakin. I look back over to him, wondering how on earth Anakin would be able to cope with this…addition, and whether he would be happy with the healer's automatic decision to make him into a part man, part machine.It didn't even look human for force sake. You could see clearly where all the wires fused with his severed nerve endings, the veins clipped off to prevent any blood from spilling past the end of his stump and into the mechanical hand.

Sighing I cover up the mechanical device, trying to put Anakin off of seeing it as soon as he woke up. It was the very least I could do, try to spare Anakin of anymore pain, physically or mentally. I flop down into the chair placed next to Anakin's bed, groaning ever so slightly as pain thumped steadily through my cleansed wound. I reach inside my robes and pull out my data pad, having a good search through for all the latest news and developments and was not surprised to come across a report of Anakin's and I's latest mission, how Anakin had bravely suffered a horrific injury at the hands of a Sith Lord. Accompanying that was a report on the ever looming, all important vote to decide the fate of the Military Creation Act, something which instantly put Senator Amidala into my mind, and the disturbing scenes I had witnessed between her and Anakin when I went to the back of the ship.

The Senator, resting against Anakin's lifeless form, crying silent tears into his robes, her hands entwined with his, the look of shock that passed over her face as he stirred her from her daydream. I'd thought nothing of it at the particular moment. It was merely a concerning and emotional moment for a man that had been her most loyal protector for the past couple of months. But Anakin's words soon began to mix with those images…

"_So have you, grown more beautiful I mean..."_

"_I'd much rather dream about Padme, being around her again is….intoxicating"_

"_I CAN'T LEAVE HER!"_

Could it be at all possible that the Senator had finally succumbed to the young Jedi's charm that so often had young girls swooning whenever he neared? I shake my head, trying to convince myself. Of course she wouldn't, she wouldn't jeopardise her job that she loves like life itself for a love that she and Anakin knows is forbidden on so many levels. Of course she wouldn't……would she?

A low groan of pain brought my eyes away from the spot on the wall that I had been unconsciously focused on, and back at Anakin. My heart leapt as I saw him, his bare chest covered in perspiration, thrashing around like he was being held back from something. I rose to my feet as he started to cry out, listening intently to the words that he yelled.

"Mom…Mom I'm sorry….I'm here, you're safe…I can help you….don't leave me… please mom, please!

I place a hand gently onto Anakin's left shoulder, shaking him a little in a desperate attempt to wake him, knowing full well that any excessive amount of movement could seriously hurt him further. I spoke kindly to him, trying to pull him from his nightmare.

"Anakin….Anakin it's only a dream. Wake on Anakin…come back to me…"


	4. Chapter 4 A friend or an enemy?

**A/N: Me again, still pleading for more reveiws. even one word like fab or brill or rubbish will do as long as i have reveiws. That way i know if this is good or not. gets on knees please please please please reveiw people! Oh and the first part in italics is Anakin dreaming.**

**Firi - Hi to my newest reviewer! Gald you are liking this so far, but in this chapter Ani and Obi's relationship is going to take an unexpected twist. Hope you still like it and hope you will reveiw more of my chapters as they come. Better yet, tell more people about this! xx**

**Hopeless4life - Glad to see you're still on board and reading away. Padme is really sweet and loving but after this Anakin is going to need her more than ever. Trust me. Hope you like this. xx**

**IntelEwok - And where have you disappeared to! Well we're back to Anakin's point of veiw and so he is definatly going to wake up. This is what you have been waiting for, hope you like it. xx**

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_I hold her in my arms. Silently I plead with her to stay, to keep breathing. She whispers that same line to me…_

_"I'm so proud of you Ani."_

_But how can you be proud of me mom, I failed you. When it came down to those last few moments I couldn't save you. That's all I had been thinking since she said that to me on Tatooine. Thinking about my betrayal and my failure to my mother._

_I can feel her slipping now, her energy slowly depleting. Slowly she is pulled from my arms, and no matter how hard I try to cling to her, to keep her with me, my hand's just slip through her. She slips further away from me now, just out of arms reach. I try again in a vain attempt to get her back and this time I manage to get hold of her arm, but then a hand clamps itself firmly on my shoulder and I am dragged away from her._

_I hear hr strangled cry as she slips away…_

_"Ani…I love…."_

_"No! Stay with me Mom! Everything will be…."_

_"I…love…"_

_But she never finishes her sentence, she never tells me how much she loves me and now there is no chance of her telling me again. I let out a scream of rage and unbearable agony, only to be answered by a voice I know all too well._

_"To be a Jedi is to renounce possession. Jedi are not allowed to love. You are bound by the Jedi Order."_

_I turn as much as the grip on my shoulder will allow, looking straight into the eyes of my Master. I thrash weakly against his grip, one of my arms immobilized by pain. I try desperately to break free, but he refuses to let go of me. He holds me tighter and tighter, the pain searing through my shoulder until I'm brought to my knees and I fall into a pit of blackness…._

My eyes burst wide open, the pain searing through my right shoulder. I look up to find Obi-Wan standing over me; worry and…is that fear creasing his face? I swallow hard in an effort to regulate my breathing and try to raise my left hand to wipe away the beads of perspiration trickling down my face and bare chest. But to my horror I find that I can't move. Nothing of me will obey the commands my mind is giving them. I look frantically to Obi-Wan, the fear evident in my eyes.

"Master…what's….happening? Can't…move."

And now he smiles down at me kindly, a totally different expression to the one that I had just seen in my nightmare. His voice instantly soothes my fear and halts the shaking of my limbs.

"Calm yourself Anakin. It is merely a side effect of the anaesthesia. Your feeling will return, just give it time. Be patient."

It felt good to hear his soothing voice, to feel his calming presence flow through our force bond. He lifted his hand from my shoulder and moved out of my line of sight, soon returning with a cold compress which he pressed gently to my forehead. I closed my eyes as the cool liquid slipped down my face, dousing the burning of the fire on my skin. Gradually, the numbness in my fingers ceased and my whole body soon followed suit. I reached up and touched Obi-Wan's hand gingerly causing him to look down into my eyes.

"Master…Padme…she…is she…"

"Padme is fine Anakin. She sends her wishes and prays that you will recover quickly. You mustn't worry yourself about such things, especially not in the state you're in at the moment. Now, I'm going to go and fetch the healer's. You appear to have a fever and they did ask me to inform them when you woke. I'll be back soon."

I slowly nod, lowering my hand again and finally take a good look around me as Obi-Wan leaves the room. I recognise it, and I smile weakly as many memories come flooding back. Not all of them good, but enough to bring back a smile. But that quickly fades to a frown as I see and recognise all the tubes and wires that connect with me, and slowly I begin to remember exactly what I was here for. Looking over to my right arm, I find that it is completely covered by a white sheet, all the way up to just above my elbow. Puzzled I reach over and gradually pull the sheet back, instantly regretting the decision.

My eyes widen in horror and I feel sick. There, attached to my nerve endings was a huge, gold, mechanic…spider. Its insides repulsively glaring at me, the gold gleaming in the sunlight, taunting, tearing all my self esteem to shreds every time it glinted. My heart rate soars as the anger and adrenaline of finding the ones who had done this to me swam through me. Angrily I pull out the IV in my arm, causing blood to trickle from the now open wound, and rip of several pads stuck to my chest.

Several silent alarms trigger, and within minutes a team of healers are at my side, pushing me back down to the bed, holding me still with firm hands as they re-inserted the IV and placed everything back. I could see my Master looking wearily from the door, his hand unconsciously stroking his beard.

Eventually, theywearme down into submission and I stop struggling at the threat of putting me back to sleep. I let them inject the morphine and stay silent on the bed, fuming at what had been done. Staring at the ceiling, the muscles along my jaw line tightening, I try and control my anger, focus it into another feeling. But one word was all it took to re-ignite it.

"Anakin….this is hard for you but…you must understand…they had no choice."

I snap my head to the side to glare at Obi-Wan. From then on, something else took hold of me. Some unforeseen force controlling me, forcing me to say and do things I didn't want to do.

"Will I still be able to fight? Will I still be able to be a Jedi?"

"There is no reason for you not to go on living as normally as you have done. Of course, your sabre training is going to be hindered as you get used to your arm but…"

But the rest of everything he says is blurred. Those words ring around my head.

_Your sabre training is going to be hindered…_

He had succeeded in doing the one thing he had wanted to. He had succeeded in taking away the last bit of raw power that I held onto. My sabre skills are unmatched as of late, anyone sparring me was met with crushing defeat….now all of that is in the past…now I am nothing, a useless warrior….Obi-Wan's Padawan puppet. Now I snarl at him, a new ferocity in my voice.

"So this was your plan then Master."

The images of him holding me back from my mother began to play in my head, her words whispering in my ears underneath the roaring of rage that beat inside me. I continued to glare at Obi-Wan, the confusion evident in his eyes.

"Anakin…what…"

"You're afraid of me. You've always been afraid of me and my power that I could so easily use against you. You're jealous and could find no other way to hold me back. What did you do Master? Did you meet up with Dooku somewhere and arrange this all, this perfect plan to bring me down to your level?"

Now shades of unbearable hurt and betrayal shine behind Obi-Wan's eyes, but I don't care, I don't care how much this is hurting him, it had to be nothing seeing as he was the one who did this to me. Now I sit up painfully in the bed, my voice growing steadily louder.

"You always held me back! You never wanted me to move on! You want to keep me underneath you forever don't you! And now because of you, she is dead!"

My voice breaks and I start to weep, tears streaming down my face, knowing every word I speak is a lie, that everything was my fault, no-one else's, but desperately wanting to shift the blame elsewhere, to get rid of this blackness that seemed to be enveloping me second by second.

"You killed her Obi-Wan! You wouldn't let me have the power to save her! And now she's dead and can't come back. I failed her and its all because of you!"

Obi-Wan shudders before my broken form, I can feel his pain from here, the cold cruel words I speak piercing his heart like a lightsabre. I didn't want to blame Obi-Wan but somehow it all made sense. Somehow the only way I could see this…thing on my arm was to see how it had come about. And all conclusions came back to my Master. He steps forward now to comfort me, but I lash out, catching the side of his face. He reels back and I turn to look out of the window.

"Anakin…I know you must be feeling very…"

"HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!"

I grab the glass off of my bedside cabinet and hurl it in Obi-Wan's general direction, where it hits a wall and smashes. I glare at Obi-Wan, the fire still blazing behind my ice-cold eyes, but it is quickly suppressed by…blood. Obi-Wan's cheek is bright red, a small cut along his cheekbone trickling blood, innocent blood, like the Tusken's. I instantly feel horrible, the fire turning to ice. I desperately want Obi-Wan to come forward now and put his arms around me, to come and tell me everything is alright, that he understands, that he forgives me. But he doesn't. He does the worst thing he could ever do to me. He turns his back on me….and leaves.

Now I sit here alone, feeling cold, feeling like I've been pushed into a pool of darkness, and I'm drowning. I'm slowly losing control of myself, and there is no-one in sight to help me back.


	5. Chapter 5 Confrontations

**A/N: Hey, another chapter for you and sopme new reveiwer's which is fantastic! Hello to all and whoever is reading this and refuses to reveiw just to cause me pain...so evil. Anyway, dont forget, I have another fan fic too, my alternate ending to revenge of the sith. 42 or so good reveiws, tell me what you think. I still appriciate reveiws on that!**

**Anyways, this is from Padme's point of veiw, hope you like it.**

**Hopeless4life - Spazz attack? Yeah maybe, but Anakin is prone to those. lol, Glad you are still enjoying it. xx**

**Obi Wan Skywalker - I haven't made you cry have I? I'm sorry if I have! Obi-Wan's alright, he's about to get some TLC. Hope you like this chapter and you will stick with me over the next few. xx**

**Bohemian Anne - Hi and thanks for the great reveiw. I have to admit i am worried about people's opinions on how i have portrayed everyone's emotions, its good to now that there are people out there who like it! Enjoy this next chapter xx**

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"But Bail, I have to be there! I have fought so hard to bring down the Military Creation Act, how can I not be here when its fate is decided! Now I…."

"Padme, you have done everything as a Senator that is possible to try and bring this down. You even went beyond that and got yourself right into the heart of the very first battle itself. Now you deserve a break while the Senate sorts out this problem."

I keep my firm gaze steadily on that tall, dark haired Alderranian man stood in front of me. Bail Organa, one of the most influential people in the Senate and one of my long time friends. Usually, I would have respected his judgement, but today everything just seemed to be going from bad to worse.

"Bail I need to fight my corner in the Senate. You know as well as I do they will not sort out this problem rationally!"

"Tell me honestly. Do you really believe that now the Separatists have an army, the Senate is going to just sit back and let them invade the planets of the system? Let alone even hear out your side to the argument?"

I sit down at my desk with a growl of frustration. I know in my mind that what Bail is saying is right, that after the evidence that has been shoved under the republic's nose, how could they not vote to keep the clone army to counteract the threat imposed on them. But somehow, something inside of me was telling me to stand my ground, there had to be another way.

"I know that voting to keep this clone army will push us further into war. Many people will lose their lives Bail, including some of our friends! Negotiations must be…"

But Bail now slams his hands on my desk, leaning heavily on it, the anger flaring up behind his usually calm eyes. I know that this is hurting him. Democracy is a thing that Bail craves and loves. He was born to fight for it, and now that seemed to be slipping further and further away from the Senate's grasp. I silence myself and allow him to speak.

"Negotiations will fail Padme! You were in that…beast arena when the droid army was reveled, you fought against them. You talked to the head of the Separatist movement himself, Count Dooku! If you didn't fair well against him in negotiations, what makes you think the Senate stands a chance?"

My mind wanders back to Geneosis now, remembering the conversation with Dooku, the beast arena, the droids….Anakin. Just thinking about returning to Naboo with him, to spend more time with my family and the only man I have ever dared to love since Palo broke my heart back when I was younger. And now, Anakin was going to need me more than ever, what better place to provide support for him than the lush green fields of Naboo that he so often dreamed about. I can see Bail smiling at me now, his anger calmed as he sees the fight die from my eyes.

"Alright, I guess your right. I'll go to Naboo, but I promise you. When I come back, there will be no stopping me!"

He grins at me, and I notice his shoulder's slump considerably as he relax's.

"I don't doubt that Padme. You deserve this break, so please try and enjoy it and stay away from anything democratic for at least a couple of weeks. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty for a Senator and everyone is very grateful, but even the best of us need a break sometimes."

"I know…I just…"

Suddenly a faint knocking can be heard at the door. I look to Bail frowning, for some inexplicable reason, I find myself very concerned. Slowly I rise from my seat and head briskly to the door, Bail in close pursuit, hand on his blaster hidden beneath his senatorial robes. I open the door and my eyes instantly widen with shock and fear. Standing before me is a man; bloodied, bruised and very pale, the fear and despair evident in his light blue eyes and it shakes me to the core. The only thing I could think of that would turn Obi-Wan to this would be….Anakin.

I reach out and gently take his arm, guiding him to the sofa in the apartment, placing him down in the comforting softness of the pillows. I hurry to the 'fresher, gathering together some Bacta Ointment, warm water and a cloth with which to bathe his wound. As I re-enter, I catch Bail's eyes, who looks just as shocked as I feel. A look is all it takes; he nods and exits the apartment, understanding exactly what needed to be done.

I lower myself into a seat beside Obi-Wan who has taken to just staring at the wall. I dip the cloth into the warm water and start to dab the small cut on his cheek, waiting patiently for him to tell me what was going on. Inside, my very soul is shaken, and all sorts of terrible things were running through my head. Has there been an attack? Has something happened to Anakin? Is Anakin…?

We don't speak for a while, me just dabbing gently at his cheek, washing away the blood and dirt that still resided from the beast arena. Dabbing some bacta ointment onto the bloodied cloth, I press it gently against his wound. The pain of the ointment hit Obi-Wan and he jerked back to reality and looks to me. I can see the pain and fear in his eyes, but his face has taken on the expression of perfect Jedi serenity. Now I become worried and gently place the cloth back on the table.

"Obi-Wan, what's happened?"

Now he rises to his feet, contemplating it seems, that very question in his own mind. He turns his back to me and stands looking out over Courascant, looking over to the medical centre. That's when I know that something has gone terribly wrong, and it had to do with Anakin. I feel a wave of nausea crash over me

"It's Anakin isn't it? Obi-Wan, what has happened, please tell me!"

His voice is barley a whisper as he replies, filled with emotion and despair.

"Padme….I don't know…what happened. I don't even know what I'm doing here…..the force just….guided me."

"What do you mean you don't know what happened?"

"He…changed. He reacted badly to his replacement arm and….something happened….something inside of him just snapped. He became angry and started to yell at me, accusing me of….murdering someone."

I close my eyes and bite my bottom lip gently, leaning back against the sofa, tears forming in my eyes as I think about Anakin ranting and raving at Obi-Wan, clearly worked up into enough of a state to lash out and hurt his master in such a fashion.

"Padme…what happened to him…when he was with you? Something has gone terribly wrong I fear…I need to know what."

_What's changed? _I think to myself. _He's just lost his mother and now he thinks he's failed you again by losing the fight against Dooku! How do you think he feels!_

I open my eyes and see Obi-Wan facing me now, searching for some kind of explanation. It hurts me to see one of my oldest friends who I had never known to show much emotion, reduced to a broken wreck.

"Obi-Wan…Anakin…Anakin and I went to Tatooine to find his mother."

Now a frown creases his face and he heads back over, taking his seat beside me. Suddenly I feel very guilty. Anakin had confided in me, trusting me to keep his deepest darkest secret to myself, only to be shared between me and him. Had I just betrayed that trust now? Suddenly I am torn between doing the thing I know is right…and keeping the trust between my one true love alive.

"Padme, what happened?"

Now I shake my head, rising to my feet and walking slowly away over to my desk, to fiddle with the Japor Snippet that Anakin had given me so many years ago.

"I'm sorry Obi-Wan…this is something that Anakin should be telling you. I don't want to betray his trust in me."

"Anakin won't tell me Padme. He wouldn't let me get a word in edgeways just now. Unless I know what has happened to him so I can help him, there is a chance that he will sink deeply into depression, which is an opening for suffering, which leads to the dark side of the force. I have to help him; it's my duty as his Master…..and as a father."

I choke back tears as I hear his words, knowing deep down he is completely right. Anakin is suffering alone in the medical bay because he is so wrapped up in keeping his emotions in check that he wont let anyone get close enough to help him, and I was helping him do that…helping him to destroy his life. Silently I shake myself, telling myself to get a grip and do the right thing. Now I turn back to Obi-Wan and look him in the eye.

"Alright, I'll tell you. But I must see Anakin afterwards, I need to explain."

"Padme….I don't know if that's such a wise decision. Anakin is emotionally unstable…"

"I'm a big girl Obi-Wan. Anakin will listen to me, I know he will, we just have to give him the chance."

I can see him contemplating this, remembering all the times that he has seen us together. Slowly, he sighs and he looks weary and it unnerves me. It seems like he has aged considerably since I last saw him ten years ago. Back then, he was still a Padawan himself, young and carefree, following in the footsteps of the late Master Qui-Gon Jinn, but now that person I knew is gone, and has been replaced by a tired, worn, wise Jedi Knight, trying desperately to fulfil some hidden target in training a young, reckless, impulsive Padawan…one he has come to love so dearly. I speak to him again, trying to get him to open up more about his feelings for Anakin.

"Anakin needs someone right now Obi-Wan, someone who understands what he is going through. You have been with him for so many years and have probably seen and experienced a lot of things with him, but this is something that I can understand, something that I know about. Please Obi-Wan, I feel partly responsible for letting Anakin get into this state…I just want to help him anyway I can."

"I know….I always thought I could be there for him...to help him through anything. I have told him time and time again he can confide anything in me….but he seems to be slipping so much further away. Sometimes, it's very difficult to know who Anakin truly is."

I nod, trying my hardest to listen to what he is saying but not really understanding. I rise to my feet, picking up my cloak off the back of my desk seat. A hand on my arm brings me to a stop, and I close my eyes sighing. I shrug off his hand and head towards the door pulling my cloak on. As I am heading out of the door though, he speaks to me again.

"Please Padme, I have to know."

Sighing I turn to face him, feeling incredibly low and just wanting to go and be with Anakin.

"Anakin's dreams were not just dreams. He had a very vivid nightmare while he was with me on Naboo; he even woke me with his shouting and screaming. He needed to go to Tatooine and I agreed that I would stay with him no matter what. I could see what this was doing to him and so I couldn't refuse him the chance to see his mother. I know what it's like to be separated from parents at a young age, always wondering, hoping that they are ok and that you haven't hurt them by leaving them to a worse fate. We finally traced her to a Moisture Farm in Mos Eisley, where Owen Larrs, his girlfriend live with Shmi's husband Cleigg Larrs, Owen's dad. When we got there, they told us that she had been kidnapped by a gang of Tusken Raider's nearly a month back."

My voice drops to a whisper now, and my mouth suddenly feels incredibly dry. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes as I remember Anakin's hysterical sobs echoing through the garage as he recalls the events of his mother's death to me, his warm tears slipping into my shawl as I held him close. I turn away from Obi-Wan and fiercely wipe away the tears, knowing I have to be strong to support Anakin.

I open the door, and some part of me just wants to run out there and then, straight into Anakin's arms to tell him everything will be ok. But Obi-Wan's silence stops me. I turn back and draw in a shaky breath.

"She died in his arms Obi-Wan. He went after her, feeling her pain. And you know, she had been so badly beaten that at first she didn't even recognise who her son was. He held her as she died that night….she didn't even have enough left to tell her son that she loves him one more time."

I am cut off by the tears falling freely down my cheeks. I weep for Anakin, for the pain that he must be feeling, for the conflict that he must carry around with him.

"He's 19 Obi-Wan…..19."

Without glancing back I hurry out the door, and rush to an air taxi, hurriedly babbling the destination to the driver. But as we fly through Couracant's airways, a voice calls to me, whispers in my head. I know who it is, and my heart breaks when I hear him say…

"Padme….if Anakin will listen….tell him….tell him I'm sorry I failed him."


	6. Chapter 6 A Wise Decision?

**A/N: Hey all! Well, i have more new reveiwers and i know there are others who cant be bothered to reveiw reading this to, so hello and thanks for reading. This chapter is a little more light hearted than the rest, and it is in Obi's point of veiw. You should have noticed the pattern by now. It goes Anakin-Padme-Obi-Wan so i shouldnt need to keep typing whos point of veiw it is. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy reading as much as i enjoy writing this. :-) May the force be with you always. xx**

**Hopeless4life - Well this is a break from things being sad, but dont expect it to be like this for the rest of the story, Anakins got a few more things to get over first. xx**

**seawardsfolly - Hey, i reveiwed your story and now ur reveiwing mine, your so kind! Anakin isn't evil, he's just a bit depressed and emotional. As to whether he will apologise to Obi...well, you'll have to wait and see. Glad you are enjoying it. xx**

**Wokette Uk - A new reveiwer, hello! A happy ending? Well who knows, maybe, maybe not. Depends how I feel i think. :-) I update every thursday as I can fit it in with my school work then, so sorry to make you wait a week, but unfortunatly college work comes first. Hope you continue reading. xx**

**Aryll - Hey welcome back! You reveiwed my last fan fic i wrote! Glad your liking this one and that you returned! Episode 4 is very near completion now, just got to write the big character death, get it read by my friend in America and then it will be being posted on here. Hope you carry on reading and that you like what you read. :-) xx**

**Leighanne - Told you the chapters were different on here than they are on paper. I add and remove things so thats why they seem better. Oh yeah and see you on Friday...(evil laugh) xx**

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What am I doing? I don't remember. The last thing I remember is Padme's words…

"He's 19 Obi-Wan….19"

19 and dealing with the death of his mother, the loss of a limb and the possibility that he may never be the same strong warrior he was, and dealing with the thoughts that I had betrayed him.

Had I betrayed him? Am I really holding him back from the power that he is capable of? Is it possible that the only reason I won't let Anakin go for the trials because I want to make sure that I am fulfilling my promise to Qui-Gon, to train him to be the best that he can be?

A pang of guilt hits my heart as I think of my promise to my dying master. I was 24 when I lost Qui-Gon and took Anakin on as a Padawan learner. It was a big jump for me. To be elevated from a Padawan to a Knight and then to have an apprentice so early. I often wonder if it was the right thing to do. At that moment that I decided to go against the council, to train Anakin regardless of what the council's final decision was, I swear I could feel Qui-Gon's presence beside me, smiling at me.

Qui-Gon was my only family, and dealing with my grief was not the easiest thing to do, but being the Jedi that I am, I let go of my guilt and that attachment that I had made and was able to get on with the most important mission of my life, and the most challenging. But Anakin is only 19, his attachment with his mother was stronger than that of Qui-Gon and I, she was the only family he ever had, a proper family, and now that has been taken from him.

Slowly, the familiar noises of the Jedi Temple reach my ears and the strong flow of the force that resides within the temple surged through my body. I suddenly felt a huge surge of peace and knowledge take hold of my thoughts, and focusing on the gentle snap-hiss' of lightsabres being activated in the many temple training rooms, I finally feel at one with the force and I know what I have to do. I need to speak with Master Yoda.

But the feeling was suddenly broken as a slight tremor breaks through the peace, and alerted me to a pair of young malePadawan learner's, sparring each other, yelling furiously at each other. They could be no more than 10 or 11, and already they were drifting dangerously close to feelings of the dark side.

I head briskly over to the pair and, using the force, grab the collars of their Jedi tunic's, and pull them apart. They become suddenly silenced as they turn to me, their eyes wide with shock and awe. They quickly bow and chant the same pre-programmed greeting that I always despised.

"Good Evening Master Obi-Wan."

Their faces are bright red, and they occasionally glare at each other, thinking that I was oblivious to these hostile gestures. Frowning I kneel to their level and look directly at them, making them shift uncomfortably.

"Now, do you two wish to tell me what this conflict is cantered around? Or is it necessary that I inform your Master's of this disturbance in the temple?"

Quickly they glance at each other, the conflict evident inside their eyes. I wait patiently for their explanation, knowing that the threat of dealing with their Master's was enough to scare the life out of them. Fighting outside of a safe environment, like the training rooms, is strictly forbidden in the temple, even for the older Jedi, and the fact that they were using anger against each other added to the impending punishment that could befall them. Eventually, one of the two turn to me, blushing and fiddling with his lightsabre hilt.

"We…were…urm…discussing who was the strongest…you or Anakin."

Inwardly I smile. I know that this topic was regularly discussed among the younger padawan's. For some reason, Anakin's daring exploits on his travels as my Padawan always managed to become the focus of conversations. The younger ones looked up to him, and not just in height. The older ones, however, knew Anakin personally, and often have no doubt that, were Anakin to engage in a sparring session with me, it was more likely for me to be the victor. But one thought always invades my mind when discussing said issue. For how much longer?

Anakin has been growing in strength and skill over the years, and while this injury is a minor setback in his goal, there is still the every real possibility that he could one day…beat me. The battle between him and Dooku adds to my confusion, it had been to put it mildly, amazing. I had never doubted Anakin's ability, but to see him weave my lightsabre in with the fluent pattern and precision of his own was unbelievable, a feat that I know I can't achieve. Now looking at the two Padawan's standing before me, I smile at them, amazed at how the gentle, simplistic wisdom of the younger generation always seemed to untangle even the most complex web of confusion and worry.

"And, what conclusion did you come up with?"

The other young boy, who had stayed very quiet during this encounter, was quick to respond.

"Well, I said you were cause Anakin's only a Padawan and you've studied and worker longer than him. But he said Anakin cause he's stronger with the force."

"Well it's true!" The other yells indignantly, turning back, the anger starting to show on the two faces. I step in again with a small raise of my hands in a calming gesture, making them look back at me.

"You know. Someone once told me that Age is no measure of wisdom or power. If a Jedi has the potential to do great things and he harnesses it, works hard and makes the effort to do the best one can, it is entirely possible for them to become even more powerful than the greatest Jedi Master's. Anakin does have an unusual connection with the force, and he uses that to his advantage, he can do things I cannot because he works hard at what he does and tries new things that go beyond the boundaries that I teach him. Just because Anakin is my Padawan, doesn't mean that he is not possible that he has become far stronger than me."

I watch with amusement at their faces. Their mouths hang open and their eyes grow wide in wonder. Their lightsabres hang loosely in their hands. With a flick of my finger, I bring the hilts to my hand, which was followed by cries of protest, silenced by me rising to my feet.

"Of course, the most important lesson is to learn how to keep hold of your lightsabre, something that Anakin hasn't quite mastered yet and neither have you by the looks of things. A lightsabre is…"

"A Jedi's most precious possession. This weapon is your life, try not to lose it!"

They stand smirking at me, while all I can do is frown quizzically.

"How did you know that?"

To my surprise they burst out laughing. In between hoots of laughter, they manage to finally pour out an explanation.

"Anakin used to….do impressions of you during…lunch and study periods in the temple archives. The lightsabre one was everyone's favourite!"

Rolling my eyes, I join in their laughter with a small chuckle, handing their lightsabres back to them.

"Alright, point conceded. You better get back to your Master's, and remember, to be a Jedi is to let go of fear, anger and hate. Those are the path to the dark side, control your anger, and when you want to get into a heated discussion, take your time and talk it through, don't go into what Anakin likes to call Aggressive Negotiations."

"Yes Master Obi-Wan, and May the force be with you. Tell Anakin we hope he gets better soon."

"I will, and may the force be with you also younglings."

They run off down the hallway, still chuckling with laughter, the original dispute forgotten and leaving me feeling a lot better and happier, leaning on a pillar, thinking back to when Anakin was like that….young, carefree, uncomplicated.

I jerk suddenly as a sharp poke to my leg makes me look down to find Master Yoda standing beside me, leaning on his trusty Gimmer stick. It was odd; he looked older than he had in the battle with Dooku, wearier.

"Handle the situation well you did, but troubled I sense you are. Talk with me you wish hmm?"

"Yes Master Yoda, I wish to speak with you about Anakin."

We set off down the corridor, the faint tapping of Yoda's gimmer stick echoing around the silent hallways.

"Hmmm….in pain young Skywalker is. Shrouded by the dark side his presence has become."

"He is in a very emotional state Master Yoda. I discovered that his mother passed away with Anakin present. She was beaten to death, and now he thinks he's failed me and her and has become very…withdrawn and angry."

We enter a small meditation room, the blinds pulled down. I sit myself cross legged on one of the pods, situated just across from Master Yoda. He looks over to me with gentle eyes, trying to gather my emotions and what role they play in this. Eventually he removes his gaze and sighs.

"A great setback this is. Help Anakin we cannot unless willing to allow us he is."

I bite my lip, and stroke my beard thoughtfully. There may not be a way we can physically help Anakin, but maybe there is a way we can help him mentally. Deep down I know this is the right thing to do, but something nags inside me as I say it…something tells me that what I'm doing could result in something disastrous. But for the first time in my life, I ignore the part of myself that is Anakin's mentor, and I focus on the part of me that has become like a father to Anakin, like Anakin's only remaining family.

"Master Yoda, I would like to….to put Anakin forward for the Jedi Trials. I know that right now he's not ready either physically or mentally, and it may be some months before he is finally ready to take them. But I want to put him forward now before I can let myself change my mind. The battle he was in today, the amazing things he did far surpasses anything that I can teach him, there is nothing else I can teach him."

"No…wrong you are Obi-Wan. Young Skywalker…a strong warrior he is. But shrouded by the dark side he has become. Much suffering has he experienced yes, learnt to control that he has not. Use his anger he does to fuel the battle, when concentrating on the living self and selfless acts he should be. Much time do you need to spend with him, teach him how to let go of everything he fears to lose."

"Of course Master. He will be ready for the trials, and I know he will not let me down. He just needs this opportunity to prove himself worthy of the title of Chosen One as he knows as well as I do there are some who doubt his abilities. This will be a much needed reward for his hard work."

"Go back to Anakin you shall, calming I sense he is. Let the force flow through you Obi-Wan to clear you mind and see what Anakin needs you shall. Discuss the trials with the council I will."

"Thank you Master."

And with that I rise and exit the chamber, hurrying to the medical bay, happier now that I am doing something for Anakin, happy knowing that for once, he could not deny that I am doing what is best for him. I am content in knowing that Anakin is finally going to be free.


	7. Chapter 7 The light in the Dark

**A/N: Hey everyone. Here's another chapter for you. Now here's soemthing interesting. I have managed to write a whole nother 3 chapters for me to type up and post. Now you can all wait another week for the next one, or if you like, I can post them a couple of days at a time. What do you think. Let me know in your reviews people. if i dont get people telling me, then i'll just leave it for a week. Hope you like this chapter, and please Read and Reveiw! - Anakin's Girl 4eva xxx**

**sewardsfolly - Glad you enjoyed the last chapter. Unfortunatly, no more arguing Padawan's in this one, but still interesting I hope. :-) xxx**

**Hopeless4life - same as above, glads you enjoyed it. And i'm sorry but I must wait a while before I update or I wont get as many people reveiwing will I? Take a look above and tell me what you think. Enjoy and reveiw! xxx**

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My room is growing dark, slowly removing all presence of light and replacing it with cold, unforgiving shadows. Since he left I've been alone, drowning in darkness, wishing that he would return and help me, but I don't expect him to…not after what I have done to him. During all the years we have been together he's always been right beside me, caring for me, looking out for me in ways that my mother would have. He cared for me like a father, not just a mentor… but today it has become different. I ruined the special bond we have, I did the unthinkable, and something I never dreamed of doing, not even when I was most irritated with him. I hit Obi-Wan, I hit the person that took over from my mother and became the only parental figure in my life…who remains as the only parental figure in my life, and I didn't even apologise.

I meant what I had said in the bar. Obi-Wan really is a father to me…so why do I blame him for the awful things that I have done? Why has it taken so long for me to finally realise that he is my family now and that I may have just ruined our relationship in a way that cannot be repaired.

I close my eyes and sink back into the pillows, but I don't sleep, I can't sleep, I haven't been able to sleep in 10 years, not properly. Sleep always brings darkness, and darkness always brings nightmares, continuing the torture and pain of my life, knowing that my mother cannot hold me again, knowing that Obi-Wan will never trust me again…knowing that the woman I love finally accepted my love, but being so terribly afraid that the love she felt will disappear as soon as she sees who I have become...a humanoid, part man, part machine.

I hear the door creak open, but my eyes remain closed. The force dampener clasped firmly to my wrist sees to it that I can't tell who has come in the room. I hate losing control of the force, it's like losing control of a sense that I know is there, but is so desperately out of my reach…like myself...I know that I'm here somewhere, but I don't know where.

The dark fog begins to cloud my mind again, and I become afraid. I can't fight the dark without the light, but I can't find the light either. I needed Obi-Wan to stay, to protect me, to guide me through the dark fog that now is building up in my chest and head, making my head pound and my chest constrict.

But a nervous whisper sends the dark slinking away into the background, and a slight touch to my cheek makes me open my eyes, squinting against the sudden brightness of the room. Then a blurry image comes into view, a blurry image with long, soft brown hair and worried eyes. I blink again and I see her clearly, and the dark is gone, and the light she emits to me holds it back.

"Ani…"

"Padme…"

My bottom lip quivers and tears well in my eyes. She breathes my names again and wraps me softly in a loving embrace, seating her self on the bed next to me, and pulling my head in close to her shoulder. I wrap my human arm around her and hold her tightly, clinging to the light that is starting to waver under the dark's slow advance back into my head. I breathe in her sweet scent and feel her gorgeous brown locks sweep my face, collecting my tears. She slowly pulls away and gently runs her hand through my short hair, and I realise how desperately I want to kiss her, to run my hands through _her _hair and whisper soft words to comfort her and reassure her.

"Ani…Oh I've been so worried. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know…I'm so confused Padme."

"By what?"

I look away from her and down at the sheet that covers my arm, forcing back the bile that rises in my throat.

"Everything. I don't know who the enemy is anymore. Everyone seems to be against me…they're taking me to places I don't want to go…."

"Anakin, no one is against you. Everyone here is trying to help you…"

I can feel the dark cloud rising up again as my anger starts to seep through my panic and fear. I have to make her understand, she has to understand what these people are doing to me.

"If they want to help me so much, why do they keep on humiliating and hurting me? Obi-Wan walked out on me…I need him…and these people that are meant to help with my pain…they destroyed me…I'm…"

But I can't go on; just thinking about what they have done to me makes my stomach turn. The image of that horrid droid part still presents itself in my mind, haunting me. But it's not just in my mind, it's with me forever, it's with me until the day I die….

Eventually I realise that she has left my side and has crossed over to the other side of the bed, nearing my mechanical hand, reaching out to pull the white sheet back.

I quickly reach over and grab her approaching hand, stopping her in her attempt to view for herself the very thing that is causing me so much grief that is complicating my health and my mind. The only glimmer of hope I have left to fight with is the knowledge that Padme loves me, that she returns the feelings that I have felt for 10 years. To have her change and leave me again…for us never to be with each other…it made me want to curl up and die right here and now.

But she wants to see, her soft gaze and gentle touch tell me that…and I trust her…I trust her not to leave me. I pull back my hand and rest it lightly on my stomach, starting to panic a little as the dark edges closer to me again, and edges closer to my chest.

Slowly, she pulls the sheet back and I see the flicker of shock and horror pass across her face, only for a second, but it makes me react. I reach over sharply, but yelp as the IV in my hand pinches me sharply. She leans over now, wiping my brow with a cold, damp washcloth, trying desperately to calm me down, to get my breathing back under control.

"Anakin, please. You're clearly hurting enough as it is, I don't want you hurting anymore."

"I've always hurt Padme, and I always will."

"NO! Anakin! Don't you see? You don't have to go through this alone anymore. I am here to help you and Obi-Wan is too, you should know that. I love you…what I said at Genosis, its all true, I don't want to leave you…you are my life."

I look up at her startled, looking deep into her eyes to search for some kind of sign that she is lying, searching for the hint that all she is doing is comforting me, but I can't find anything. So that leaves me with just one option…

"You…you love me? Are you sure?"

"I've never been surer about anything else in my life."

"But...everything that's happened…how can you love me after what happened on Tatooine?"

"I love you even more considering everything that has happened. Anakin…I didn't realise how much you meant to me until it was nearly too late to do anything about it. Do you really think that now that I have that chance to make something of it, I'm just going to turn away and leave? On Tatooine you endured something that would be hard on anybody. You retaliated and no-one can blame you for that. It doesn't make what you did right, but you are only human."

"But what about my arm? I won't ever be the same again."

"Oh Anakin don't talk like that, of course you will! Your arm is our symbol of love. It's the symbol of everything that we have had to go through to find this love, to be together. What you have had to go through in order to keep you promise to your mother, to make her proud, which she always was Ani. I'm not ashamed of it and neither should you be."

I realise now how close we are….how tantalisingly close Padme's soft lips are. I lean forwards, reaching up with my flesh hand to press gently against the back of her neck, willing her to lean down towards me. At first I feel her resist, but she soon relaxes and leans down to deliver a small touch to my trembling lips. She pulls back ever so slightly, resting her cool forehead against my burning one. The beauty of her just an inch away from my face unlocks something in me, and I grab hungrily at her lips with mine, an offer she doesn't refuse. We are locked in a loving embrace, become one single person radiating a passion so strong it is undeniable and I feel as though it could go on forever, for eternity. But I tense as I hear footsteps, very faint but becoming louder. I break away sharply and give her a long, meaningful look, and because we are still one, forever one, she understands perfectly.

She seats herself in a chair and pulls her long, elegant cascade of hair into a loose bun at the back of her head. Laying a calming hand on my mechanical one, she smiles, willing me to look at it, but I refuse, instead looking at her. I can't feel her warm touch and it unnerves me inside, but in a way I can feel it's there and it sends a new jolt of electricity through my soul, awakening it from its unconscious state and bringing it back to the surface where it takes a much needed dose of light, happiness and freedom.

But my gaze is torn away from her when the door is opened and a new figure enters the room. I smile weakly over to him, glad that he has finally come to see me, but I suddenly get the feeling that something is very wrong, as Padme shudders and scowls, and the dark cloud that was drowning me awakens and starts to creep back to clutch at me again.


	8. Chapter 8 It closes In

**A/N: Hey all! I seem to be losing reveiwers by the chapter! What's going on everybody, why stop reveiwing. well except Hopeless4life who remains a loyal reveiwer - thanks xx. Anyway, back to the story. I updated early for those of you who hate to wait and i got 2 more chapters on standby raring to get posted. The more reveiws I get telling me to update quicker, the quicker I will post, and no, reveiwing more than once per chapter doesn't count. lol. Anyway, hope you all enjoy and May the Force be with you Always. xx**

**WoketteUK - Well here's a new chapter posted earlier just for you as the very first person to say they wanted one earlier. More on the way, keep you eyes peeled, and thnaks for reveiwing. xx**

**Hopeless4life- Glad you liked the previous chapters, wait until you read the next ones! he he he. Here's an early update and I am considering updating earlier for my next two chappies also. Keep reveiwing. xx**

**Cranberrie Naberrie - Hi new and strange reveiwer. lol. Do you want to go over what your reveiw meant cause i have no idea what your on about! lol. Hope you are enjoying the story and that you will reveiw again. xx**

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My whole body shudders as he enters the small medical room. I notice the confusion flick across Anakin's face and, in a way, I feel just as confused as he does. I can't truly register why the presence of this man, who was once one of my most trusted advisors and friends, makes me feel so uneasy and…angry.

He crosses over to Anakin now and places a friendly hand on his shoulder, and I can hear them talking, but I don't hear what they are saying nor do I take an interest. All I notice is the tone in which the Supreme Chancellor speaks. The soft caring tone I knew is there, but it has changed. Now it is laced with a coldness, a coldness that only one who was so accustomed to him would realise was there at all, and it worried me, although my 'Politician Look' as Anakin likes to call it, reveals nothing of such feelings.

I look over to Anakin, wondering if it is at all possible that he to has noticed such a subtle change in Palpatine's demeanour, but what I see there instead of puzzlement, is pain. Anakin has become as skilled at masking his true emotions when he wants to as I have when in a Senate meeting, but the unmistakable clenching of his jaw-line and the new pain that flashed beneath his eyes was all too evident.

I entwine my fingers with Anakin's new mechanical ones, and give them a squeeze, despite the fact that I know he cannot feel me doing so and also the fact that it was like holding bone in between my fingers. Cold, metallic bone. I fight off the wave of nausea that flooded through me and I focus back on Anakin, who has fallen deeper into his world of pain and suffering. I can't continue like this any longer and I open my mouth to halt Palpatine in his ramblings, but I become aware then, that his attention has been turned to me, and now he is addressing me with the same cold, manipulating tone, hidden behind a mask of care and wisdom.

"Senator Amidala. Milady, it is good to see you safe and unharmed. I was just discussing with Anakin how good a job he has done protecting you. It's a shame that Obi-Wan doesn't see his potential."

Inside, I rapidly fume as he continues to speak. Everyone had been warned about Anakin's emotional and mental state, and had been warned of certain topics to steer clear of for the time being. And the main focus point to steer clear of was exactly what Palpatine had just been talking about. My face remains totally calm, but no-one can doubt the ferocious glare that lights up behind my eyes. I speak now to him, tensely and equally as coldly.

"Yes Chancellor. Anakin is one of the best jedi in his generation. I expected a lot less than what he gave and I am always going to be in his debt for that. But, Anakin needs his rest, he has had a hard time and is still recovering."

"Yes, yes I quite understand Milady. After all, a hero needs his rest to continue his wonderful work for the people he so boldly serves, and I am myself a very busy man. I hope you recover soon Anakin, after all, you still need to escort the lovely senator back to Naboo."

I continue staring daggers into his back as he leaves, and continue to watch the door angrily as if daring him to come back in. I sigh and shake my head, thinking to myself, wondering when it was that the Chancellor became so cold, so manipulating. But, a faint stutter quickly brings me out of my thoughts.

"P...P...Padme...I..."

I glance up to Anakin and all my anger ebbs away as his broken, forlorn body meets my eyes andmy rageis instantly replaced by fear and adrenaline as I come to realise that something is very, very wrong.

Anakin's face is devoid of colour, his whole body is shaking despite a raging fever that makes his brow and chest glisten with sweat against the light of the room and his breathing is rapidly becoming shallow. I jump to my feet and hit a panic button on the wall beside his bed, then run my hand through his short cropped hair. He still calls out to me, still desperately trying to find me despite the fact that I am standing right next to him.

"Ani… calm down. It' alright I'm here. What's going on?"

"My head…it's pounding… It's dark… I can't move…I can't breathe...the dark is killing me…it's coming for me…"

"Anakin you're not making any sense! The dark can't hurt you…"

"Don't let them sedate me…please Padme promise me!" It'll get me…it'll kill me…please Padme...please…"

"Hold on Anakin, the healer's are coming. They'll…"

"NO! I don't need them…I need…"

But his sentence his cut short as he screams in pain and his breathing becomes even worse. The healer's rush in, and instantly get to work. Speaking to Anakin, asking me what happened, strapping a breathing mask firmly to Anakin's pale face. But I can't concentrate. I know in my panic that there is someone that Anakin needs more than me…someone who understands….someone who can help him.

Then I remember and reaching in the pocket of my robes I hurriedly pull out my com link and key in a private code. I slink into a quiet corner, away from all the noise and activity surrounding Anakin and wait with bated breath as nothing but a blue blur exists on the small screen. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes as I hear snippets of conversation, snatching words like 'critical condition' and 'won't stabilize'.

"Senator Amidala?"

I look quickly back to the com link in my hands and breathe a sigh of relief as a blue scan image of Obi-Wan meets my gaze.

"Oh Obi-Wan thank goodness! You have to get over here right away. Something has gone horribly wrong. Anakin's shaking, got a high temperature, says his head is exploding and that the dark's going to…to kill him or something. The healer's can't do anything and…"

"Senator...calm down. Listen. This is what you must do at all costs. I don't care how you do it, just keep Anakin awake and talking to you. Do not let the healers sedate him and allow no one but me to visit him until I get there. I'll be there as soon as I can, I promise."

"Please hurry...please…"

But that is all I manage to sob as the connection is cut and I am jerked back to reality by someone calling my name.

"Senator...Milady…we must sedate him. We have no other option. He is struggling too much for us to do anything for him."

Fiercely I shake my head, tears streaming down my cheeks as I see Anakin arch in pain again. I cross over to the bed and grasp his human hand firmly, letting him practically crush my hand in an effort to halt his harrowing, muffled screams through the oxygen mask.

"No. There is nothing you can do. Just….leave him."

The team of 3 healers all look at me now, ludicrously, as if I myself have lost my mind. But I don't care. As long as Anakin's blue eyes still shone out at me then there was no way I was going to give in without a fight.

"But Milady...this is inhumane…we can't just..."

"YES YOU CAN AND YOU WILL! NOW LEAVE US!"

I realise I am yelling now, so worked up and so frustrated that I don't care if hey discover my true feelings for Anakin any longer. Right now my main concern is getting them to understand that Anakin must continue to go through this pain, to keep him awake…to keep him alive. I calm myself, using all my senatorial training to bring my own opinions under control, forcing myself to think logically.

"I have my orders from Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi. Anakin is his Padawan and I think he is more suited to deal with this kind of situation don't you."

Nodding, they all check Anakin's vital's and IV levels before they leave, wincing along with me as Anakin's screams continue to fill the small room. Eventually, there is no one left except me and Anakin. I can't do anything except stroke his hair as his pain filled eyes bore a gaze so pleadingly and despairingly into mine, speaking words that he can't physically speak, making me break down, sobbing apologies to him.

I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do for him. My first act as Anakin Skywalker's girlfriend and already I'm failing. I feel helpless, alone, scared and venerable, and I suddenly become aware of the kind of emotions Anakin himself has been battling with. Except for a Jedi, battling with these kind of emotions never leads to some happy outcome. These kind of emotions lead to something far worse.

"Oh Obi-Wan….please…hurry!"


	9. Chapter 9 Fighting the Dark

**A/N: Hey again. Hope you all like this chapter, I certainly had fun writing it and the next one that is waiting to be posted. I thought i'd give you all a nice surprise, a nice way to finish off the half term if anyone is on it right now. Oh yeah and my Thanks goes to my good freind Leighanne for this chapter causeI suffered from severe writers block at the end of the previous chapter and she gave me a few ideas which was nice. so thanks Leighanne and enjoy everyone else!**

**Hopeless4life - was it really that sad! Wow if you thought that was sad wait until you read chapter 10. I cried while I was writing it! Anyways thats a whole nother chapter...hope you enjoy this one. xx**

**sewardsfolly - Ah but will Obi-Wan understand and know what to do about it? Hmmm, well here's the chapter to answer your question. I loved writing this one, hope you like it too.**

**WoketteUK - No I was too weak to resist posting then and I am too weak to resist posting now. Look what you and your buddies who are reveiwing are doing to me, making me post early. tut I hate palpatine too and I had to fit him in somewhere, he may come into play later, I don't really know at this point. Anyway, enjoy and tell me what you think!**

**porcelainangel - OMG! Thankyou so much for your very kind reveiw! I always read these back to myself and think 'nah these are going to be flamed at some point' but your comments help so much. Here's another chapter specially for you, hope you read it and reveiw. :-)**

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Panicking, I rush into the medical room and stop dead in my tracks as I see Anakin, and the old thought instantly springs into my head.

"Oh this is not good."

He lies against the crisp whites sheets, sweat running in waterfalls down his pale face. His harsh, shallow breathing through the oxygen mask haunts me, punctuated with shudders and screams of agony, he vaguely mummers something, though his speech has become severely impaired.

I step cautiously, further into the room, but am sent reeling backwards as the impact and the strength of the dark side collides with my barrier of light. I easily fend it off, the earlier, happier memories of Qui-Gon and Anakin slicing through the tendrils of darkness. I continue reaching out, and curse under my breath as I finally reach Anakin's weakened presence in the force. The dark surrounds him, it wraps its long tendrils around his lungs, chocking all life out of them and reaching ever closer for his heart.

Fiercely, I push through the cloud, but stop dead as Anakin screams louder than before, and I see him arch in pain as the dark tightens its hold on his fragile body, fighting against the light I try to push through, determined to finish what it had started to do. I close my eyes and desperately try to block out the piercing howls and screams of pain from my young padawan. But every time I push forward, they, and Padme's heart breaking sobs break through my concentration and I have to back off.

Every push is like putting Anakin back through the torture of slavery, every push tightens the dark's grip and sends terrible waves of pain crashing through him. I realise I'm shaking now, ebbs of fear curling around my thoughts, tainting my thoughts. I push the dark away from me again, and for a moment, pure, untainted knowledge floods through me, and finally Anakin's only hope invades my mind.

Concentrating hard, I block Anakin's screams and wade directly into the heart of the black force cloud. I look around and see now, that the cloud was merely a cover, inside is a web of deceit, pain, suffering and anger, its many threads of darkness too tightly woven together to be unpicked.

I search around desperately in this web for the weak link, the one thing that could break up the whole chain of life taking darkness. All I need is one small glimmer, one tiny thread of light to weave into mine, to harness and fight with…

I can see the dark tendrils wrapping around Anakin's heart, and watch helplessly as it starts to squeeze and a searing pain races through my chest. I have become a part of Anakin and now I feel what he feels. Sinking to my knees I still search, my vision swimming, knowing that soon I will have to give up the search or the dark will take me where it is taking Anakin.

Then I see it, out of the corner of my eye, a small shimmer of light presents itself ever so faintly. I reach out to it weakly and it flies to my hand, entwining itself in my wall of light, making it glow ever stronger, making it impenetrable to the dark. Slowly, I wrap the light like a blanket around Anakin, smothering the dark, loosening its grip on Anakin's heart, but still clinging fiercely onto his lungs. I call out through the force, through Anakin's screams.

_Anakin! Fight with me not against me. Fight against it with me. Please, one last fight then you can rest…one last fight…_

With one almighty heave, the dark is broken, its tendrils of hate releasing Anakin's lungs, darting away from his existence. Slowly I bring myself back to reality, and rush to Anakin's side, slowing my own breathing, restoring in me the calm that I am renowned for. I grasp Anakin's human hand firmly. His breathing is still laboured, he still fights against the unnatural pressure against his chest. Despite that, he still breaks his hand away from my grasp and pulls the oxygen mask off his face. He looks to me, gasping for air, fear and pain still shining behind the ice, trying desperately to explain.

"Master…the dark…I'm sorry I…it's powerful…I couldn't stop…"

I strap the oxygen mask firmly back into its place over Anakin's mouth and nose and rest a gentle hand against his burning brow. I speak soothingly to him, using the force to further soften my words and also to gently push a sleeping suggestion through his mind.

"Anakin, rest now. The mask is not an enemy, it's helping you to breathe."

"Master…don't…leave...please…don't...leave..."

I choke up at the very thought that Anakin would think I would leave him like this. Why can't he understand how much he means to me? Doesn't he understand that his pain becomes mine? Or have I been shutting him out, pushing him away to preventan attatchment, so badly that he now feels I will abandon him? I fight back my tears and whisper softly to him.

"Shhh. Sleep Anakin. I'm staying right here, the dark won't hurt you again I promise. I'm not going to leave you alone."

He is still panicking, his breathing still reduced to short rasping gasps, but he gently succumbs to my sleeping suggestion, his eyes fluttering closed, still shaking ever so slightly, the fever still running rampant in his fragile body. Padme smiles a weak, thankful greeting to me, tear stains running down her pale cheeks. She slowly takes up her seat at the side of the bed, wrapping her long slender fingers around Anakin's mechanical ones.

I take my seat on the other side of the bed and watch my Padawan, starting to calm now as a peaceful sleep gently takes over. I take his human hand again and feel an overwhelming bond create between us. I have become a father to him and it is now that I realise Anakin is my son. He is my weakness, he has become, despite my constant efforts to prevent it, my only attachment, and for once, I don't care about the Jedi Code. As long as Anakin is beside me, safe, then I know that I am at my best.

Padme and I stay all night watching over his sleep, tinged with pain filled moans and bouts of burning fever. I have managed to save Anakin from the dark, but now we both face the ultimate challenge, fighting the darkness that still resides inside him, like an angry dragon coiled behind his heart, waiting for the opportune moment to strike a deadly blow.


	10. Chapter 10 A final solution?

**A/N: Hey everyone. Hope you all had a gr8 halloween, I know I did...I GOT EPISODE 3 ON DVD! WOO HOO! I watched it all last night and I still get chills everytime. In celebration of this I decided to post a little earlier than I planned. Oh and in response to Wokette's reveiw, is anyone else confused by whats happening. If so let me know in the reveiw and i'll post it on here. :-)**

**Hopeless4life - lol, so you want me to update? If you dont wanna cry, then dont read. I gave it to my mate and she cried too so...yeah. Here's the dreaded chapter! xx**

**porcelainangel - Thanks again for your fantastic comments and i am so pleased you are enjoying this as much as it seems I am having writing it. Hope you continue to like what you read. xx**

**sewardsfolly - well, i continued. Now what you gonna do? lol. Glad your enjoying, I promise to update on Thursday.**

**WoketteUK - I answered your question in an e-mail as you know. I have just written a chapter with another Ani/Obi arguement/tantrum although on a much deadlier scale. However thats not tilll later. Enjoy this chapter! xx**

**Poet317 - lol, sorry I apparently stole your department but my dark is different to yours. This isn't self inflicted! lol Read your other fan fic and well done, hope you continue reading this, I would love to have more reveiws from you!**

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Slowly, I am eased back into consciousness, breaking free from the gentle sleeping suggestion Obi-Wan so kindly bestowed upon me. I can still feel the dark cloud surrounding me, and something around my neck and on my face makes that all too real experience of suffocating come flooding back.

I start to panic. Where is Obi-wan? I need him. I need him to help me fight, I have nothing left to fight with. With the damn forcedampner on my wrist I feel weaker...more vunerable. I weakly cry out his name, trying to fight the thing around my neck. True to his word, he is here. A hand lays itself gently on my shoulder and I hear his voice as I open my eyes.

"Anakin, calm down. It's only a breathing tube. I'm here, relax."

Looking into his calming eyes, I eventuallysettle and take in my surroundings again. The past hours all seemed like one big blur...one terrifying blur. The last thing I can remember is calling out Padme's name...calling to her to save me. I look hurridly to my side, and relax again as I see her leant, head resting on folded arms, on the bed. I gaze steadily at her for a while, glad that she is here, but also worried about the impression it would give Obi-Wan. I look to him now, and realize he is still seated in his chair next to my bed, wide awake and alert, smiling at me, tilting his head in deference to my uncanny ability to keep on surviving.

But inside, I hate to even look at him,the reminder of my burning anger and stupidityglaring at me from his cheek. I shift around uncomfortably, looking back down at the sheets.But his hand quickly finds my human one, and gives it a gentle, reassuring squeeze,all his thoughts of our argument dulled to a small bruise and a faint memory, placed into the depths of the mind to be dealt with another day. Somehow to him, my near death experience makes my temper-tantrum seem very obsolete. He speaks softly to me, not wanting to make more noise than neccesary.

"How do you feel?"

I start to respond, but am hlated as a tingling sensation drives up my throat and I retch. But without anything in my stomach to bring up, it just results in a heavy spasm of harrowing coughs, startling Padme awake. She instantly rises from her seat and rubs my back soothingly, while Obi-Wan gently slips a couple of ice chips into my mouth, which I suck on gratefully, feeling the cold numbing the pain in my throat. After a while, I can just about talk again.

"Well Master….Just about everything hurts, and my life…is a mess…so I'm great thanks."

They both smile at me, pleased that I'm feeling well enough to bring back the old sarcasm, even if it is the truth.

Padme now gently leans me back against the pillows and goes to take my hand again, but I quickly pull it away, giving a fleeting glance at Obi-Wan, not in the mood to get caught in our little love affair, but also not well enough to enjoy having her fuss over me either.

She looks down on me, the confusion evident in her eyes, which I respond to by turning away. She can't be thinking straight, there is nothing I would rather do than sweep her into my arms and kiss the life out of her right now, but with Obi-wan still here and watching over me, it just wasn't possible. I realise now how hard this is going to be to keep a strong relationship and still carry on our daily routines as though nothing is happening, but something insidereminds me that I dont care. That all the suffering I have been through and continue to go through was for her, to save her, to keep her with me in the first place.I hear the healer come into the room, and watch as she talks grimly to Obi-Wan before heading over to me.

"Well Skywalker, I can't say you haven't given us a fright over the past couple of hours. Now, I just need to do a routine examination to check up on everything, could you lean forward for me please."

Groaning I lean forward again, hating the pain that flashes across my abdomen as it complains about the irregular use. Obi-Wan moves forward and supports me, understanding what I have been through and while I don't necessarily need to be held up, just having him there bracing me helps.

"Alright, I'm just going to check your breathing, make sure its somewhere near stable. If you could breathe in for me and hold it."

I do so, shuddering as the cold metal of the scanner touches my hot back.

"Alright well done. And now right out for me."

Again I oblige, but arch my back and yell as a wave of pain shoots through my chest. She gently sinks me back against the pillows, and applies a gentle pressure to my chest, watching the scanner intently. Eventually she removes it and adjusts the oxygen flow of the breathing tubes.

"Well Anakin it seems you are patching up pretty well considering. Your temperature seems to be returning to somewhere near normal and your chest seems to be improving. Your lungs are fine, you just have a small amount of bruising to your ribs which could have been caused by a sudden impact. Your temperature could be due to a virus introduced through a burn. That has now hopefully been rectified and your chest should return to normal within a couple of hours at the rate you're going. Which brings me onto the next stage of the healing process."

Padme now breaks her gaze away from me and turns to frown at the healer.

"You can't mean…."

"Yes senator I do. You see Anakin, while there is some deliberation over how well you are, I can see from these results that there is nothing to prevent you starting your Physiotherapy to enable you to use your replacement arm."

The shock must have been evident on my face as she instantly went on to explain the reasons why such a drastic leap needs to be taken. Not that I listen anyway.

She wants to put me through another couple of weeks of hell after the past couple of hours in which I felt like I had travelled a thousand years in the belly of the Sarlacc, a dreaded creature that inhabits Tatooine, one Watto used to threaten me with when I was younger. I can't believe what I had just heard and look over to Obi-Wan for some support, begging him to reason with this crazed lunatic who seemed to enjoy giving me bad news or keeping me on so many drugs I don't know which way is left and which is right. But he just stands there by the doorway, stroking his beard, looking down at the floor. Even Padme looks uncomfortable when I turn my pleading gaze to her and it is then I realize exactly whose side they are really on.

I watch as the healer leaves, and I feel the dark cloud start to build up again within me. I feel the dragon uncoil from behind its warm nesting place in my furnace heart, and start to snap and hiss, injecting venom into my thoughts. I realise where I am headed again, and I don't care. I don't even try to resist its inviting tentacles of death. I just want it to kill me, to spare me the torture and agony that I am bound to go through for the rest of my life. One day, everyone would be snatched away from me, like my mother was. One day, there will be no one left to comfort me or hold me as I cry, and I just don't want to have to go through that.

I close my eyes and sink back against the pillows, waiting for death to embrace me. I can feel Obi-Wan's force presence hurrying near me, he is calling to me, telling me to fight, but I don't. Instead I block out his presence, I break my connection with him and everything is quiet, save a whisper. A familiar voice calls out to me, and I choke as I realise who it is..

_Mom?_

Her ghostly image walks through the bank of black cloud, making it cower at her feet, staying back from her radiating light. Her soft voice reaches me, like a gentle breeze whistling through my ears. She reaches out and takes my hand gently in hers.

_Anakin, sweetheart, it's not your time. You need to live your life as a Jedi, to continue to make me proud._

_But I can't do it alone Mom. I can't do it without you. I wanted to come back and free you…I wanted to make you proud of me Mom._

_But you already have my son. You released me from my painful life and now I can follow you wherever you go, and you have helped so many others across the galaxy to be free from suffering, how can I be anything but proud of that? You will never be alone. I promise. _

_I miss you Mom._

_Just look inside your heart and you will find me. I live in you Anakin. Whenever you need me, just call and I'll be there, always._

_But I need you here Mum, I want you here with me!_

_Ani, you cannot stop change. _

Suddenly, I am jerked away from her, a strong presence is pulling me back, breaking me away from her tender hold. I can see her fading again, and I cry out to her, screaming for her in my mind. But a new voice fills the silence now...a cold, rasping voice, speaking words that seemed to make too much sense.

_Anakin...you **can** be with her...all you need to do is stop fighting...stop letting Obi-Wan fight your battles. There is more than one way to escape from him and be with your mother...just think. _

And suddenly the path is clear...the dark makes a new path for me, and shows me how to escape...in a blur of rain, lightning and blue energy. I slowly pull myself back...knowing now exactly what I have to do to escape the traitors...


	11. Chapter 11 Runaway

**A/N: Hey again. Well I promised I would update on Thursday and so I have! I will probably not update for another week now that I have got a ton fo AS level work to do, but I promise I will leave it no longer than a week at most. Also, hi to a couple of new reveiwers and everyone that is reading this but cant be bothered or simply dont want to reveiw. Hope you are enjoying it! Oh yeah and another thing, I am accepting Star Wars challenges at the moment, so if anyone has any idea they would like to challenge me with, feel free! May The force be with you always. xx**

**Poet317 - I love The Crash, it was brilliant. Glad you managed to get round to reading this, have you read my alternate ending, thats the other fan fic I have on here, if you like this one you should read the other one. Hope you like this chapter and update Edge of Blackness soon! xx**

**WoketteUK - Here is what is happening next! lol. I love Anakin angst, I am so good at writing it according to my friends so...here it is! xx**

**Ewan007 - Hey new reveiwer! Glad you have finally got round to reveiwing this, and I am pleased to know that it has been one of your favourites since I strated writing. Its always nice when I get people telling me they've loved this from the beginning! Stick with me, and I hope you will reveiw again for this chapter! xx**

**sewardsfolly - Why not! I think Anakin is very cool when he's bad, even if he does make me cry with the things he does! lol. I'll try not to make him go bad, but I'm, not promising. According to Anakin, its fun being evil and he can be very persuasive sometimes! xx**

**Hopeless4life - You cried! You cried too! Oh god was it really that sad? I'm sorry for making you cry, hope this one makes you laugh slightly, although this is still along the lines of being quite dark and depressing... xx**

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The sky outside is black, rumbling with the threat of a lightning storm, and I think of how convenient it all seems. The weather seems to suit Anakin's present state and mood, unstable, dangerous, a storm of power waiting to break free from it restraints. I cannot pretend that I am not concerned and upset by Anakin's sudden change of mood; neither can I hide this anymore from Obi-Wan. As soon as Anakin came back from his second coma like state, I could tell he was still arguing with himself, battling to gain control of his own mind. But I cannot shake the image of his dull, lifeless eyes looking straight through me, and his heart wrenching, whispered words as we left the room on the Physiotherapists request….

"_Thanks a lot…..traitors"_

A sudden clap of thunder and a burst of lightning that illuminates the small waiting room startles me and I snap out of my reverie, wrapping my arms firmly around my waist, trying to inject the smallest amount of comfort and reassurance back into me.

I look to the door as it opens and I sigh gratefully as Obi-Wan steps into the room, holding a cup of steaming caffe in each hand. He passes one to me silently and settles himself calmly in a seat next to me, although I can see the hint of fear playing behind his eyes. There is an awkward silence between us, and I know that neither of us wants to talk about Anakin or think about what he is going through alone at this moment. But something nags at me, something that I need to know, something that I want Obi-wan to answer.

"Obi-Wan….what was he like, before all of this happened? Was Anakin ever happy?"

He takes a long slow slip of the hot liquid, and looks sadly to a spot on the opposite wall before turning to look at me, a mixture of amusement and sadness dancing on his features. His tone of voice has become soft, heartfelt; almost as if it were Anakin he was talking to, trying to remind him of everything.

"There were many times that he was happy, especially in the early stages of his apprenticeship. He and I went on so many missions together, and we had a great deal of fun on those missions, always doing small, comforting things like betting one another who could kill the most battle droids, or who would be the one most likely to be injured"

He chuckles as he remembers this and I can't help smiling as I think about the kind of things they could have gotten up to. But his face soon turns deadly serious, and I can see him wince as he speaks.

"It was the nights that were the hardest for him. Early on, it didn't really matter, but when he hit 16, something happened on a mission and to this day I still don't know what it is….but the enemy captured him. He got out, but he suffers from reoccurring nightmares…visions of terrible things. He never wanted to sleep, even after a long mission he would do his best to try and stay awake, always making up some sort of excuse. And then a couple of months back, the nightmares about his mother started. Of course I told him they would pass, that not all nightmares are visions. If only I'd known…"

I nod solemnly, placing a comforting hand on Obi-Wan's arm, remembering Anakin's piercing screams at night that echoed around the silent landscape of the Naboo Lake Country. I decide to steer Obi-Wan away from this train of through and he looks grateful as he is directed to somewhat happier memories.

"What was he like growing up?"

"He was….eager to learn. He took everything the council and I threw at him and seemed to….sail through each problem as easy as breathing. Somehow things that people consider to be impossible, turn out to be merely difficult for Anakin. Its astounding the things he can do."

He gives a small chuckle as he leans back in his seat and begins to stroke his beard again.

"I still remember the first time he got his hands on a lightsabre though. He somehow decided to try and learn one of the hardest forms of lightsabre combat there is. Though I guess I should have expected this, seeing as Anakin never does anything the easy way."

I nod amazed, eager to learn more about Anakin's life as a Jedi and the things he got up to.

"There are different ways to fight with a lightsabre!"

He laughs softly at my eagerness, I guess seeing in me what Anakin was like when he was younger. He places his cup of caffe on the table and rises to his feet, signalling for me to do the same. I look at him warily and step over to his side. He unclips his lightsabre from his belt and places it gently in my hands.

"Now you hold onto it with two hands like this." He said, demonstrating.

"Good, now if you gently slide your thumb down over this button, you will activate the blade."

I gently push down and look on in awe as the blue blade emerges from the hilt with a snap-hiss. I listen intently to its soft hum and stare at the blade for a while, wondering how anything so beautiful could be so deadly.

"Alright, now. When being attacked by a blaster or another lightsabre, a Jedi can defend in many different ways depending on which style you use. I use the style of Soresu, mixed with a little hint of Ataro which was the form that Qui-Gon used. I defend like this."

He moves the hilt just to my side, tilting the blade away from my body, but still at a close enough range to guard myself. I nod slowly, taking in all that he is teaching me.

"This is the standard form of the Jedi, not difficult to master and certainly very helpful in defence. Anakin on the other hand, decided as I said, to do things that hard way and learn a style called Djem-So. This is how he defends and attacks."

He brings the blade up and over my head now, so that the blade now runs straight down my back.. But it is an uncomfortable position and I can't hold it for very long. I turn off the blade and hand the hilt back to Obi-Wan.

"Anakin fights like that! But it's so uncomfortable!"

Obi-Wan nods grinning.

"Yes, to many it is an uncomfortable way to fight. But in the end, Anakin always has the advantage against a large group because he can switch so quickly from defending his back to his front. He is so skilled in this form and it is so rarely used that hardly any of our opponents know how to attack him."

I nod, smiling.

"However, when he first started out, he found it very difficult. Needless to say our apartment in the Jedi Temple was practically ruined by the end of the first week. There were scorch marks everywhere from his lightsabre."

I burst out laughing, and so does Obi-Wan. I try again to find some more past experiences to talk about, but our laughter is cut as a loud alarm sounded from down the hall. Obi-Wan and I hurtle from the small room, down the corridor and into Anakin's room, where something had just gone horribly wrong. Obi-Wan rushes to the corner of the room, looking over an unconscious, huddled form, while I continue to look around frantically, taking in all the damage to the room, but also searching for something.

I start to panic as I realise that it isn't here. I practically scream at Obi-Wan, the fear evident in my trembling voice.

"Obi-Wan!"

He turns to me, two fingers pressed to the man's neck.

"What is it?"

"Where's Anakin!"


	12. Chapter 12 I'm here to catch you

**A/N: Hey again, only me and anakin. It 2am so this is going to be quick. To all who are reading and arnt reveiwing, please reveiw cause I like getting emails telling me someone has. Please, please! **

**Hopeless4life - Hey, I updated as soon as I could. I'm a tad depressed at the moment so I had a bit of trouble writing this but, hope you enjoy it! xx**

**Ewan007 - You promise to keep reveiwing? Promise? cause if you dont Anakin will come hunt you down...he will. dont laugh he really will:-p Sorry bout the cliffhangers, I tend to use them a lot! lol xx**

**WoketteUK - Yep Obi-wan's turn now, and I hope you enjoy what i've done with this chapter. xx**

**seawardsfolly - How did your midterm go? Glad you found the time to reveiw but dont let your school work suffer for it. Please! xx**

* * *

I can hear the blood pounding through my ears above the roar of speeders and blare of horns as I speed through the afternoon courascant traffic, flying down the wrong way. But at this moment in time, I really couldn't care less about them or their existence on this planet. Only one person matters and he is out there, bare-chested in the freezing rain that lashes against my windscreen, mentally unstable, not physically ready to walk again.

I can feel the fear trembling in my heart, and for once I don't try and choke it back down. The same thought keeps buzzing through my head. Maybe….just maybe if my fear is strong enough, Anakin can feel it, and would give me some indication that he is safe. But as quickly as that thought comes, it is instantly replaced by rationality and realization. Anakin can't connect with me because of that damn force dampener that makes him feel like a prisoner in the very place that is meant to help him, to protect him from harm. Without the force, Anakin has no control whatsoever over his emotions, and I can't even connect with him unless he's somewhere near me, which means that I cant help him either. This is why, as well as his worsened physical and mental state, the situation has become critical, this is why the whole Jedi council is out looking for him. I just pray to the force that I can find him before they do.

After a half hour of aimlessly flying around, and with no contact from the council, I break away despairingly from the traffic to hover above the fast flowing lanes. I lean against the dashboard of the speeder and sigh, gently pulling a small holo-vid recording from my tunic. It hasn't left me since the day Anakin gave it to me, and it is at times when I am feeling low that I can look at it. I hold it up in front of me and press a small button with the force, springing a blue scan image into life.

It's Anakin on his 18th birthday, still as tall and lanky as ever, guiding the holo-cam around the room, showing off our new apartment in the temple after he succeeded in finally ruining our previous one. The image makes me smile as I recognise the old Anakin that shines through him, before he knew of his mothers suffering, when he was enjoying life to a certain extent. The dark circles around his eyes aren't as pronounced as they seem to be now; he's muscular and has a wicked, mischievous gleam in his eye.

He looks directly into the camera now, and I turn up the volume so I can hear the last part of his message.

"…and I just want to say thanks Master. For everything you've done, training me and sticking by me through everything, and for being the only father I've ever had. I love you Master, and nothing is ever going to change that."

I shut down the holo in silence, the words that hadn't really hit me before suddenly slapping me in the face. Anakin had called me….his father. Not the closest thing to but….his father. I fight back tears for what feels like the thousandth time today alone. The battle of Genosis was only two days ago, two days since Anakin's life came crashing down around him, but to me it feels like years ago. Probably due to the fact that I hadn't actually slept or eaten since then, too busy rushing around trying to help my Padawan despite his constant refusal to allow me to. Sometimes I wonder how Anakin manages to put up with me when I am as stubborn.

I lean my head against the cold windscreen of the speeder and shut my eyes for a moment, gathering the force around me, crying out to Anakin to give me some kind of clue as to where he has run off, knowing in reality it was hopeless even trying. I open my eyes with a sigh, but sit bolt upright as a small glimmer of light catches my attention. I stare intently at it, as I guide my speeder towards it, and it becomes increasingly clear that it is coming from the Jedi Temple. As I head closer, I stretch out with the force again, holding my breath as I wait for the feeling…

Suddenly, I swing the speeder down to the entrance of the temple, as a familiar force signature lightly dances just at the edge of my force probing. I dive bomb through the lanes of traffic, using the force to weave dangerously through angry and irritated Courascantians. I smile in spite of myself as I listen to their angry horns and blurred yells, realising just how much of an effect Anakin has had on my flying skills. Had you asked me to do this 10 years ago, the answer would have probably been a burst of laughter and a sarcastic 'Yeah Sure.' But now, I do it without even thinking.

When flying with Anakin, you realise just how close to death you can come in a ship or a speeder, and also just how quickly you can get out of one when it lands. But it also taught me, that if there is a quicker way to get somewhere, then you just take it, regardless of the fact that you could end up a fiery smear in the down levels of Courascant.

Yanking hard on the flight controls of the speeder, I bring it to a skidding halt in one of the temple docking bays, leaping out and tearing down the hallway way before the speeder had actually stopped moving. I thunder up the stairs of the temple using the force to accelerate me further, and also to find exactly where Anakin is. I silently plead to him _Please Anakin; don't do anything you'll regret!_

I continue running until I come to our apartment, where Anakin seems to be located. I take a deep breath and gingerly open the door, taking one step inside as I do so. I glance around and see that nothing has been touched; everything is in its place, just as we left it before we left for our assignments. I continue out to the balcony where I am met by Anakin's back, his muscles tense. I step forward, calmly whispering soft words.

"Anakin? What are you doing out here?"

I see his head turn slightly towards me, and can sense his tension and pressure building up. I risk a step forward, bringing me within a hands reach of being able to touch his shoulder, until he swings round, a wild, dazed look dancing through his eyes, the rain dripping coldly from his sodden, trembling form. But that's not what catches my attention, not what drives me backwards.

Anakin's left hand is pressed against his chest, his lightsabre hilt clutched in his fist, the blade end of it pressed over his heart. I instantly think of reaching through the force to snatch it from his hand, but then I see his thumb, placed just over the button, meaning that one slight movement could instantaneously cause his death. I step back again, slowly shaking my head in disbelief, air catching in my throat as I struggle to keep calm.

"Don't…don't come any closer."

I can hear his voice trembling with the effort of fighting back a tide of emotion, his breathing shallow from the shock of the cold against his bare skin and being forced in and out unaided. He is leaning heavily on the railings of the balcony, his mechanical arm hanging uselessly at his side, making him lean slightly with the unnatural weight. I can see clearly the pain, fear and suffering that wracks his soul and I move back into the doorway to the balcony, hands outspread, trying desperately to show him I want to help.

"Anakin…please…don't…don't do this."

His face softens slightly as he hears the desperation in my voice, the desperation to get him away from the edge of the balcony at least, to get the 10 year old boy I dearly miss to come back to me. His tone of voice remains cold and shaken, but I am not deterred.

"I have to Master…there is…no other way. I don't want to live anymore."

"Anakin! How can you say something like that! There is still a life here for you, and I swear to the force that I am not going to stand here and let you lose that. I am here for you Anakin and so is Padme, we can and will help you!"

He shakes his head, trying to block out my reasoning, but I know he can't.

"You….you can't help me! I have…nothing left…nothing worth living for."

"Of course you do. You have your whole life ahead of you; you have far greater things to move onto past this!"

"IT MEANS NOTHING WITHOUT MY MOTHER!"

He screams through the pouring rain, loud lightning and thunder bursts accompanying his heart-wrenching sobs. The tears are pouring down his face, and I feel him breaking inside in so many places, but I continue, talking him down, trying to get closer to him, to understand him.

"Anakin….you have suffered a terrible loss, no one can deny that. But I know what it feels like to lose someone so close to you, and you cannot let those feelings get in the way of your judgement. Somewhere inside of you that little boy I trained still remains, and he is trying desperately to tell you what you are about to do is wrong. Your mother wouldn't have wanted you to do this Anakin, she would have wanted you to continue to make her proud, and so do I. I want to see you rise up and become the best Jedi you can be, I know you can do it. Just…let me help you get there."

He stands watching me with a look of helplessness and despair, and I feel him gradually getting weaker and weaker. The adrenaline rush I gathered he managed to get here by is obviously running out, and all that is left is a broken, empty shell of a man. I softly murmur his name and hols out one hand to him. I hold my breath as he backs away from my hand for an instant, leaning slightly over the edge of the railings, a white knuckled grip still on his lightsabre hilt. I shake my head.

"Come on Anakin….I'm here. Trust me."

I tense as his hand shifts, but relax slightly as he slowly pulls the lightsabre away from his chest and press it gently into my hand. I grasp it firmly and clip it to my belt, rushing forward to catch Anakin as he sways dangerously on his feet. I pull him gently away from the edge of the balcony and hold him as he pounds his fist into my chest, howling with uncontrollable pain and emotional agony, and slowly he sinks down to his knees, me guiding him all the way. I wrap him tightly in a hug, letting his broken form shudder into my robes, stroking his short hair and leaning my cheek gently on the top of his head.

After a while I pull him gently to his feet, half carrying him indoors to his room. I tentatively rub down his freezing limbs and place him softly on his bed, handing him a pair of dry sleep pants to change into.

I settle him gently under the covers, ensuring his mechanical arm is hidden from view, until he is ready to face it again. I see his eyelids flutter gently closed, but I know it's not in sleep. He wouldn't chance falling asleep yet. I check the room silently, making sure there is nothing further he could hurt himself with, before slipping out to the kitchen to make two steaming mugs of caffe.

I place one gently on Anakin's bedside cabinet and keep mine firmly in one hand. I sit on the edge of his bed, gently stroking the side of his face with my now warm hand, making him shudder and shrink away. But I firmly keep my hand there, determined not to let him feel alone again…that was until sharp raps at the door echoed through the apartment, and I am forced to leave him, bewildered and suddenly afraid, knowing that what is coming next will shake him to the core.


	13. Chapter 13 Unexpected Visitors

**A/N: Hey everyone and also hey to my new reveiwers! There are more personal responses to your gr8 reveiws coming up but I thought I'd say hi anyway! I thought that I had left this update long enough now, I just wanted to leave you all on tenterhooks for about a week longer but even excitement and suspense gets the best of me sometimes. lol**

**WoketteUK - My best chapter! Really! Cool! Well if you like the emotional stuff wait until you read the rest of the chapters. gonna be a lot of Obi/Ani talking as well as Ani/Padme romance. :-) xx**

**Hopeless4life - Hey dont worry about me, i'll be ok. As long as I have Ani and can continue to torture him for a while I'm alright. lol Glad you liked the chapter and hopefully you'll like this one too. xx**

**Elizabeth - Hi new reveiwer! It keeps getting better? Well hopefully you will reveiw again and continue to tell me what you think, and no need to thank me, i enjoy this so much! Thanks to you more for reveiwing, it makes me happy when my fun keeps others entertained.**

**Sometimesnormal - Another new reveiwer! Thanks for the fantastic comment, it really made my day! I hope you will reveiw again soon! xx**

**sewardsfolly - Glad you liked it, hope you will continue to update you fan fic regularly too and continue to reveiw mine!**

**Hieiko - Dont worry about missing it, you found it and YOU PUT ME IN YOUR C2! Thank you so much! You dont know how much that means to me! Hope you enjoy this next chapter. :-)**

* * *

I lay shaking with fear and cold in-between the safety of my bed sheets, listening intently to the voices that are invading the privacy of our apartment.

"Master Kenobi, you must understand. Anakin is mentally unstable, if anything he has proved that by pulling such a stunt on us. He is a danger to himself and those around him. He must be released back into our care for further treatment."

I tense and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out their demands, trying to focus on keeping my breathing steady. I don't want to go back to the medical wing with those damn healers. I can't stand their drug-induced coma's that nearly kill me everytime they force me into one, thinking that they are making things better. I have to tell Obi-Wan, he can't let them take me, I refuse to go back to them.

Flinging off the covers, I instantly feel weak and venerable, pulling myself shakily to my feet, biting back the burning pain I now feel, unlike when I was running on adrenaline. I take one painful step forward, and my head spins and I feel my knees buckle from underneath me. I end up knelt on the floor, my mechanical monster hanging uselessly by my side, my other arm resting heavily on the bed. I realise, through my heavy breathing and spinning vision, that the voices have got louder, tearing through my defense, making me hear the words they are speaking. But I hold my breath in shock for a minute, as I hear Obi-Wan hiss vehemently at the healer's.

"He will be staying right here where I can watch over him and keep him safe from people like you. He is **_my _**padawan and I refuse to let you make him suffer any longer."

I blink back the pain behind my eyes and continue to listen to the debate, growing rapidly into a full blown argument, and I feel the anger and adrenaline start to build up again as they repeatedly try and tell my Master what is best for me. I try and get up again, but only succeed in retching as the room dances around me again. I growl in frustration, trying desperately to focus.

"Master Kenobi…I don't think you fully understand the…."

Then I hear something I've never heard Obi-Wan do before. Not when I crashed a speeder, not when I set droids loose all over the apartment, not even when I managed to get his lightsabre blown into pieces during a mission long past. He yells, practically screaming at the healer's, abandoning his usual jedi calm.

"Understand! Understand! You think I don't understand the torture that he is going through! You think I don't know what it feels like to have someone you love die in your arms! Hmm? Well let me tell you something, I think it is you who doesn't understand, and in your failure to do so, you only succeed in making him worse!"

Suddenly he stops, and I can imagine him trying to gather his thoughts and control his rising anger. If that outburst was only in frustration, I shudder to think what Obi-Wan could get like if his rage decides to present itself. His voice and the healers have dropped now, and I groan again as I feel the abandonment creep through me. I press my hand to the middle of my forehead, trying desperately to ignore the angry hissing in the other room, trying to focus myself. And that is when I see it, the one thing stopping me from doing just that, the one thing stopping me from healing…the dampener on my wrist. I begin angrily trying to tear and wrench it off, scraping at the skin, making the bracelet dig in deeper until tiny scarlet crystals fall gently into my lap.

The pain that I feel is insignificant to everything else, but my desperate, despairing clawing had triggered that final burst of adrenaline I need and it shocks me into life. I haul myself shakily to my feet, stumbling forward to collapse into the doorframe, pressing my ear against the cold, hard durasteel, just in time to hear Obi-Wan finish his argument.

"…many battles. I have had people close to me die in my arms as Anakin has…I have been through his pain and torture. This is what I don't believe you have had the training in. This is why I refuse to let you take him away."

"Enough of this. Guards, get into that room and bring the patient to us."

I pull back from the doorway in an instant, shaking with fear but also rage and confusion. How could I have been so stupid? How could I allow myself to sit here and yell at Obi-Wan about my loss, when the pain of losing Master Qui-Gon, though cleverly disguised, still resides deep in his heart. I step back as I hear scuffling in the next room, and start to panic as I hear Obi-Wan groan in pain. I can't lose him, not so soon after I lost my mother. I can't handle it, even the thought makes me weak, makes my insides knot.But the cold voice returns, as chilling as ever, but speaking so much sense in my confused head.

_Kill them Anakin. They are making you and now your Master suffer, so make them suffer. Be free from them, save your master and others. Kill them!_

And in an instant, my back is pressed against my dresser cabinet, my hand reaching into its secret compartment and pulling out my spare lightsabre from its hiding place. I watch as my blood slowly trickles down the hilt, and the adrenaline surges through me again. I stumble back towards the door, pressing my hand to the pad, making the door swing open.

I take in the horror that stands before me. Obi-wan is on his knees, a force dampener being placed firmly onto his bound wrists, a large red mark appearing on the side of his forehead. I see all eyes turn to me, his flicking down to the blood stained lightsabre in my hand, the healers soon following suit. In an instant, the guards have sprung on me, grabbing both my arms and pulling them behind me. I yell in pain as my chest tightens, but glance over to my human hand, that they are trying to prise open. I watch as the guard trying to free my weapon from my grasp, moves his neck in line with the top of the lightsabre. My finger twitches, the blade springs to life, and he falls to the floor.

I gasp as the pressure is released from my arm, and I swing it around to hit the other guy in the face, but he grabs it quickly, and I am too weak to put up a fight against his grip. I let the lightsabre tumble to the floor, but give it a small, swift kick along the floor, praying as the butt of a gun is brought down hard on the back of my head and I fall to my knees, that it reaches its destination.

I am held tightly by my arms again, my head being tilted forcefully to the side. And then I see it in the healers hand, and the last ounce of strength I have in me dies away, replaced again by fear. They come closer to me, mumbling something to each other, but my mind is focused on the Hypo-Spray they clutch in their grip.

I struggle weakly against the pressure on my arms, but I am drained of all strength. There is nothing I can do, nothing anyone can do. They move closer and closer, and I cry out as the cold metal of the spray touches the side of my neck.

"No…No…Don't…Don't do it…please!"

Suddenly, I hear the snap-hiss of a lightsabre igniting, and the hypo-spray is quickly jerked away from my neck, and I hear it smash on the opposite wall. The firm grip on my arms is released and I fall forward, sobbing in relief as Obi-Wan's grim voice floods the apartment.

"If you ever attack us like that again….if you ever try and hurt him, I swear it will be the last mistake of your life. Now get out before I call the council to come and remove you themselves."

I hear the scrambling of feet and hurried whispers but I don't look up. I just lay on the floor, wishing the groundwould swallow me up, wishing that Obi-Wan would just leave me on the floor to die. One more death on my conscience, one more to add to the murder list. But he doesn't. His strong hands lift me off the floor and carry me back to my bed, resting my injured wrist gently in his lap. He sits himself on the side of the bed and floats a clean washcloth and bandages to his free hand, and tenderly begins to bathe my wounds, washing away the streaks of red that pulse down my wrist. I wince as he hits deep cuts and he frowns as he realises exactly what it was I was trying desperately to do.

He looks over to me, halting his cleaning, and watches me for a second, taking in the fear and pain that I am sure are still etched into my face. He sighs and looks wearily back to my wrist.

"Anakin….please don't….don't do this again."

I am quick to respond to the pleading comment, knowing that what he wanted was reassurance that I would be ok now, but how can I give him something like that when I'm not even sure of it myself?

"Well, if you take it off….then I wont have the opportunity to will I?"

"I knew you were going to say that."

I roll my eyes and look to the ceiling, allowing a small half-smile to cross my lips, as I hear his fatherly tone. I see his dejected figure lift slightly at the shoulder's as he registers my smile and sends one back to me.

"Alright Anakin…if you think that it will help you and you swear to me that you wont hurt yourself again."

I nod my head slowly in reassurance, finally pleased that someone is taking notice, someone has caught me through my free fall in the dark, someone is helping me in a way that feels….good.

He gently manipulates the lock using the force, easing the bracelet out of my wounds and eventually, I am free. I suck in a shaky breath as I feel the force surge through my weak, deprived limbs. Obi-Wan is frowning, concentrating on something, but my head is pounding too hard for me to ask why.

After a few minutes, he finishes cleaning my wounds and wraps my wrist tightly in a bandage. He rises to his feet and smiles down at me. I smile my thanks weakly back, fighting the blinding pain that rages through my temples. I feel him enter my thoughts, and he visibly winces as he feels only half the pain I am really feeling, I just don't want him rushing me back to the healers. He places a hand silently on my forehead, and I groan as I feel the familiar pull of a healing trance cross my mind, and I call out half-heartedly in protest.

"Master…don't. You're hurt too, please don't waste your energy…on me…"

I hear him choke at my last words and Ilook over to him; he stands over me like a father protecting his son. He crouches at my side, keeping one hand firmly on my head, the other finding my bandaged hand.

"Anakin…you need to rest. I am fine, its you who needs to be looked after. Don't fight this, it will help you. I promise I will protect you, the healer's will not come back again."

I can feel my heavy eyelids drag downwards, unstoppable in their decent. I gently squeeze Obi-Wan's hand as I succumb to the healing trance, letting it take away my pain and blocking out the world around me, putting my faith in the man I love as a father, trusting him once more to protect me.But I still faintly hear Obi-Wan whisper something before I am completely taken.

"Rest Well Anakin…for once in your tragic life….be at peace."


	14. Chapter 14 Walking into the Aftermath

**A/N:This is a very sombre authors note. On Sunday 13th November, a WWE wrestler Eddie Gurrerro passed away at the age of 37 of heart faliure. He was loved by all superstars in the WWE and of course by his family, but also by his fans, me included. It is a tragic loss and he will be sorly missed by many people. Viva la Raza Eddie, this chapter is dedicated to you. xxxx**

**Elizabeth - This is a 3 way story with the focus on Ani, Padme and Obi-Wan but i am pleased you are enjoying the growing relationship between Ani and Obi. I hope you continue to like what you read and you leave me more gr8 reveiws. xx**

**sewardsfolly - The healers working for Palpatine? Maybe, I wasnt intending to refer to them again but I may do now that you said that. What do you and anyone else think? Glad you liked the last chapter, and that you liked Obi protecting Ani. I thought he might be a bit out of character but i havent heard that yet. Enjoy this chapter. xx**

**WoketteUK - Well the angst on Anakin is coming to an end... and i refuse to say anymore. lol. Obi has finally got through to him, it was a relief to stop making Anakin so stupid. :-p Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Hieiko - Again wasn't actually going to mention the healers again but hey, maybe I will change my mind now. And actually it wasnt the healers that were violent it was the the guards. Did that not come across very well? Enjoy! xx**

**Poet317 - Well i didnt get your reveiw for last chapter, and yes Anakin's force dampner is first mentioned in Chapter 7 i think. It is definatly mentioned before cause I remember putting it in there somewhere. **

**Ewan007 - So Anakin finally got to you then! I sent him round ages ago to have some tea with you! lol. Glad you liked this chapter and hey, if you have an idea for a story I could write, look on my profile and email it to me as a challenge! I would love to hear some cause I am at a loss as to what to do after this is finished. **

**Hopeless4life - You love all my chapters! lol. What's ur fave so far? **

**I'm starting to get more reveiws now its gr8, thanks so much guys. I really want to get over the 100 mark on this one. anyways enjoy this chapter all. xx**

* * *

I slip silently into the apartment, and instantly notice a still, silent figure laying in the dark on a small sofa. The rain outside still pounds against the windows, and the lightning still illuminates the once beautiful Coruscant sky. But none of that matters as my heartbeat thumps loudly in my ears, and my heart itself leaps at the thought that it may be Anakin sleeping so soundly. I step cautiously to the sofa, but sigh as I discover it is Obi-Wan that lies so peaceful. However, Anakin's unmistakable rasps of breath haunt the apartment, giving me a clear signal as to where he is. I follow the sound down the hallway and into a small room, where I find my Ani sleeping in the bed.

I stop by his side, sighing softly. He looks so….young and….vulnerable. His eyes are closed, not even flickering with dreams, hiding his heart-wrenching, pain-filled gaze. His mechanical arm rests beneath the quilt, defensively covered even in sleep, and the other is…bandaged? I feel the frown creep onto my face as worry and confusion direct my emotions. Who could have done this to him? But the sad whispered words hiss in my ear and the hollow look in Anakin's eyes asObi-wan and Ileft the healer's before he went 'missing' invade my mind. The question soon changes frighteningly to What has he done to himself?

I reach out and gingerly stroke a gentle finger over the bandage, concerned despite myself. He groans and stirs, trying to tug his injury sleepily away from me. I take his hand and upper arm, gripping it slightly in reassurance, but instantly know I've done the wrong thing. A terrifying yell of 'Get away from me!' rings in my ears as I am slammed against the opposite wall by some invisible force. That couldn't have been Anakin...could it? I lean shakily on the wall and gaze worriedly over at him as he thrashes around, mumbling incoherent words.

I so desperately want to help him, but fear and pain keep me rooted to the spot, not that it really mattered as Obi-Wan came rushing in almost immediately after the incident, grasping Anakin's arms as he flails about, pulling him upright and wrapping loving, comforting arms around him. Arms that I can't help but feel should be mine. I push myself silently off the wall, holding my side as pain spasms through it. Obi-Wan is gently lowering Anakin back into soft pillows, whispering promises of protection and comfort. It hurts when I think of the trust that Anakin has in Obi-Wan, that he trusts Obi-Wan to protect him. It hurts even more because I know its true.

I limp out of the room, saddened by these thoughts and the realization that the manwho loves mehadn't been able to sense my presence. Or does he love me? Is it possible that so soon after I lose my senses he has regained his and realized that our love is something that can never blossom, can never have a happy ending? I sit tearfully on the sofa, still warm from Obi-Wan's heat, wincing as the bruises start to appear, and my arm gives slow painful throbs. I rub it gently, wishing that Anakin would come and wrap warm, loving arms around my shoulders, whisper sweet words in my ear that make me tingle, hold me close and kiss the life out of me.

Eventually Obi-Wan steps silently from the room, shutting the door carefully behind him, as though a child rests in there and the slightest noise could wake him. I can see the anguish and weariness in his eyes, and I don't expect him to be entirely sympathetic to my partly self-inflicted pain, but nothing prepares me for what he is like.

"What did you think you were doing in there?" He sighs as he walks to the living area and leans on a windowsill, gazing out at Coruscant's stormy skyline. It causes me to blink and frown in surprise. Although it isn't obvious in his weary, dejected frame, his tightly controlled voice conveys contained anger, leashed in by years of Jedi teachings and restraint. But even I can tell that he is at breaking point, and anything that I say, or don't say, will push it over the limit. I brace myself, and give my explanation.

"I just…wanted to see him." I whisper softly, trying to ease the tension I can see building in Obi-Wan's twitching muscles. "Anakin is my friend, I am entitled to worry about him."

He swings round from the window and I can see him growing steadily angrier, although he still tries to contain it.

"So you sneak up on him, startling him while he is sleeping and at the lowest point a person can ever get in life, never mind 19 year old!" He growls back, his anger bleeding through, scaring me to the very pits of my stomach. I've never seen Obi-Wan so tense and angry, and it is now that I realize that something must have happened to shake Obi-Wan's already fraying nerves. But still I can't help but feel angry with him. I snap my reply back, instantly feeling terrible for doing so, but soon finding out a lot more than I intended to.

"Anakin is my friend too Obi-Wan! We just spent a couple of months on Naboo together and seeing him like this after the happiest days of my life worries me! This is not an Anakin I am used to seeing and I'll die before I stop caring about him. He's not just yours to worry and care about!"

"YES HE IS!"

My breath catches as an eerie, unnatural silence descends upon the room.. Finally I am able to choke one word from my throat.

"What?"

He looks just as startled as I feel, and he sinks beside me on the sofa, the oddest of looks on his face. One of…..confusion but at the same time….realization, as though something that he had been denying for so long has finally come true. He speaks softly now, all traces of the unnatural anger that surged his thoughts evaporated from his mind.

"Anakin…_is _mine Padme. Yes he's _my _Padawan but….its not like that anymore, it never really has been. He's like….He **_is_**my son. I couldn't see it before but he could and now….now he needs me as a father more than anyone else and it doesn't seem like anyone really understands that. Everyone thinks they know him, everyone thinks they know what's best for him….but they only succeed in making things worse. They don't understand what has happened to him, only I know exactly how he feels….no-one else knows the suffering he has and is going through. They think they know but they just….don't."

He looks down at the floor, filled with pain, his eyes watering with tears he refuses to let fall. But I continue to press the issue, I need to know what happened. It soothes me to know, so I can help get one step further in getting the old Anakin back, the one that held me so closely on Naboo, not the one that lays broken in the other room.

"Obi-wan? What happened….why is Anakin like this? Why are you so shaken?"

He shudders beside me, rubbing his temple which I now notice has a large bruise appearing on it. He looks to me, obviously trying to figure out why it is I am so concerned. I silently pray that he takes it to be a concerned friend rather than a hysterical girlfriend.

"They tried…to…to take him back to the medical wing. He was terrified Padme. I tried to stop them but, they overpowered me and when he heard them attack me, he tried to fight them off…..needless to say it wasn't hard for them to get him too. They held him down and came at him with a Hypo-Spray…the look on his face….I couldn't handle it. I used the force to pull them all away from him, and sent them packing. He's still suffering psychologically from the attack…..when you held his arm it scared him, he's venerable and only just getting used to having his force powers back. He reacted instinctively to the 'attack' which is why he did what he did to you. He didn't know who you were….he thought you were them coming to take him back."

I sit shaken and frightened for Ani, taking in the gravity of the situation.

"But why…why couldn't he sense my presence in the force? He usually can…"

"I haven't given him full control over it yet. Giving the full power back would have shocked the medi-chlorins and possibly put him into a coma….not something I want to risk right now."

I nod, not really understanding but understanding enough to get the gist of the answer to my question.

"What happened to his wrist? They didn't do that to him did they!"

"No, he tried to rip the force dampener off. Needless to say he only succeeded in hurting himself further. It was just before he tried to fight off the healers I should imagine…..I don't really know I wasn't there when he did it. I was too busy arguing out here, trying to stop them."

He sighs and puts his head in his hands, drained and exhausted. I place a comforting hand on his shoulder but, surprisingly, we both seem to feel better.

"Obi-Wan….I'm sorry I wasn't here. The Jedi brought me here to the temple just after you reported that Ani was missing. They were concerned for my safety and wouldn't let me out until they found him. I came up here as soon as they released me."

I know I didn't really need to give an explanation as to why I wasn't here, but it was something that I needed him to know, that I needed to get off my chest.

"It is good that you are here now. He seems to be calmer when he is around you. Just…go easy with him….he has a long way to go before you can whisk him back to paradise."

We share a wan smile at this, before Obi-wan finally suggests sleep. He invites me to stay at Anakin's side with him tonight, an offer I don't refuse. As I drift silently into sleep, I pray silently that things will now get better, that not only Anakin, but Obi-Wan too,can finally begin to heal.


	15. Chapter 15 Comforting and Healing

**A/N: Ok I need to have a rant...I am really annoyed that we cannot write reveiw responses anymore in our chapters. It really sucks and it takes up so much more time to have to go and keep clicking everybodys name to write a response! I love responding to reveiws and thats why I do so but I still dont agree with what has done! So if you big wigs are reading this then change the rules back so that we can write reveiw responses in chapters! ok done. Thank you to everyone who is reveiwing and I promise to respond to every reveiw I get. I love you all and I hope you still like reading this. May the Force be with you always. xx**

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I am woken to the sound of voices coming hushed from the living area of our apartment. I waste no time in quickly reaching through the force to discover the identity of our intruders, but am relieved to find only Padme, Dorme her handmaiden and Captain Typho. I reach up with my left hand to wipe the sleep away from the corners of my eyes, but end up hissing and cursing under my breath as pain shoots through my upper arm. I look down to find the still heavily bandaged wound pocking through my torn, dirtied robes.

I slowly pull myself to my feet from my make shift bed on the floor of Anakin's room, and tenderly stretch to relieve my aching muscles. Thankfully the night had passed without incident, with only a few small whimpers of pain from Anakin which were quickly suppressed through the force. But as I head over to him now, I smile as I see the change that has developed. I can see the colour just starting to rise back to Anakin's cheeks, his eyelids no longer flicker with nightmares and his still slightly heaving chest no longer glistens with sweat. If it weren't for his rasping breaths that still ripple through the apartment, it could have been said that Anakin was back to normal. But as I look him over, folding my arms across my chest, I wonder if it will ever be possible for Anakin to return to the way he was, to bring the little boy I trained out of exclusion in his tortured soul and live the happy life that we used to lead.

I turn away and step silently out into the brightly lit room, to be met by Padme's smiling face and the smell of a cooked breakfast, a luxury that has been denied me for so long.

"Good morning Master Kenobi. I trust you slept well. We didn't wake you did we?"

"Not at all senator, there are things that need to be done today, so in a way, its good that I am up early….however that doesn't stop me detesting being so all the same."

The three people huddled round the small table share a quiet chuckle and before long, I am being dragged into a seat, a plate of hot food being placed before me. I start to eat small mouthfuls in between protests against the Captain and Dorme regarding my apparent 'heroics' that I seem to have adopted on Genosis. Eventually after some much needed joking and friendly banter, they all rise to leave for Padme's apartment. I start clearing up, until a few minutes later, a small voice sounds from the doorway.

"Obi-wan….how is he doing this morning. You looked rather grim when you came out."

I turn with a small smile to Padme, glad to see that she still cares after everything I said last night, something I still felt terribly guilty about. It was just something I thought she needed to know.

"He seems to be doing better. His breathing is still giving me cause for concern, but he is much better than yesterday. Of course, the hardest part is going to be dealing with the mental repercussions of losing his arm and also now, the attack by the healer's yesterday."

I see her rub her side gently, wincing a little as she leans on the doorframe. I cross over to the small medical cabinet in the kitchen and retrieve a small bottle of pain killers. She smiles as I hand them to her.

"Thank you Obi-Wan."

"No problem. I've been slammed into a wall many a time before. I know how much this is probably hurting."

There was something about her at that moment that triggered a frown to pass my face ever so slightly. The hurt and despair that lingers in her eyes…there is something about it that worries me, it's just impossible to tell what.

"So….what will happen to Anakin now?"

I am shaken out of my thoughts by her timid voice, the emotions that were playing on her face, disappeared as if they were never there at all.

"Well…I want to get on with the healing process quickly so I can get him away from here for a while. He needs to be away from the duty of the Jedi to re gather his own thoughts. But to do that I need a more….professional opinion to help."

I can see the growing horror on her face and quickly explain the rest before she gets the wrong idea.

"I know this is a bit fast and it may do more harm than good….but I have to try for Anakin. If it helps I don't trust them anymore either, but I happen to have a very good friend who's a healer who I know I can trust absolutely. I have been meaning to introduce her to my Padawan for a while, I just never really got round to it. And while she's here, there may just be a chance that she can look over Anakin too."

She quietly contemplates this as I finish tidying up, and by the time I look to her again, she seems calmer and more like her old self. I sigh as I realise that this situation has changed many more people than Anakin, even if it wasn't in such a drastic a way.

"Are you sure Obi-Wan? I mean, I know you know him better than me, but this does seem rather drastic…and sudden. It hasn't even been 24 hours and you want him to face a healer?"

"She's different Padme…I promise I would not put Anakin in any danger. Like I said, I'm not the biggest fan of healer's at the moment, but I trust her, I've grown up with her and if there is anyone I would trust Anakin's life with bedside's you and me, it would be her."

I see her nod slowly, sighing. We murmur short goodbyes as Typho returns to escort the Senator to her transport back to 500 Republica, the official senate building where the senatorial apartments are located, and I can swiftly turn my attention back to Anakin.

I reach over for my com link and key in a personal frequency number, smiling as I hear a familiar, official tone answer after a few short minutes of silence.

"Hello, Jedi Healer Bant, how may I be of assistance."

"Bant…it's me….Obi-wan"

"Obi-Wan! Wow, long time no see, how are you feeling? I heard about you and your Padawan's daring mission on Genosis."

"I'm fine Bant, it's the other that needs some help."

"Are you 100 sure about that? I'm positive you have a screw loose up there somewhere."

I laugh as her lame attempt to cheer me up passes through my ears, uplifting my spirits a bit as I am taken back to our childhood, and our various escapades around the Jedi Temple.

"I'm sure Bant. Do you think you can come look him over for me today?"

"Sure, I was intending to anyway. I hear you and he had quiet a time with some of the team yesterday."

"Bant. I don't want to go through that again if you don't mind. I just want Anakin well again, I can't stand seeing him like this."

"Alright Kenobi….but you owe me one. Dragging me out of bed so early."

"I promise…I'll buy you a drink sometime."

"Yeah, like I haven't heard that one before. That's about the 20th one you owe me now. I'll be over within the hour."

"Thanks Bant, see you soon."

Laughing she ends the transmission, and I slip quietly back into Anakin's room. I grab some fresh bandages and bacta ointment from the 'fresher and settle myself back on Anakin's bed. I speak soothingly to him as I gently unwrap his blood soaked bandages, but he still tries to pull away, his breathing becoming faster as he starts to panic. I grimace as I hear him start to protest and whimper at my touch, and I have to use all my restraint to prevent me shaking him to wake him up. I push my force presence even stronger into his mind, and thankfully he settles. I hurriedly change the bandages and grip his hand as the bacta gel starts its painful work and he moans in pain. Slowly, I help him pull himself out of the healing trance and he slowly opens his shockingly blue eyes. I smile gently at him as he winces from the pain in his wrist.

"How are you feeling this morning Padawan?"

"A bit better. I feel slightly stronger than yesterday, but my chest still feels like a reek has run over it."

"Well, I have to say you look better...and need I remind you a Reek did actually run over you at some point."

"True...and the only reason I'm better isthanks to you Master. If you hadn't found me when you did, I'd probably be back in the healer's wing…or the morgue by now."

"Anakin try not to think about that now, it's in the past. Concentrate on the moment. Until the possible becomes actual - "

"It is only a distraction."

I gaze fondly at him as I hear Qui-Gon's words repeated for once by someone other than me.

"He told you that too?"

"Yeah…before the podrace."

I nod understanding, swallowing back the small lump that always rises in the back of my throat anytime that Qui-Gon is mentioned to me. I have got better at controlling my emotions about him over the past 10 years, using Anakin as a way of dispelling them, taming them, but it still hurts. The pain of losing the one man I dared to make a connection with before Anakin, is something that will never leave me.

"You miss him…don't you."

I look back to Anakin, who now gazes steadily at me, almost daring me to tell him otherwise. I never really talk to Anakin about Qui-Gon, only giving him small quotes and anecdotes he used to give me.

"Everyday."

"Did he…get to…to say…anything to you before…."

I notice the tears welling in his eyes, and I know what he really means, why the real reason he continues to talk about Qui-Gon is.

"I held him as he died. He didn't have much longer….in fact it amazed me that he managed to hold on as long as he did. The last thing he said to me was about you…that he trusted me to train you, that he believed in you."

"He didn't say…that he loved you….or anything about you?"

"No…and he didn't need to. I have always known how close we were and how he felt about me, there were no words he could have said to me that would have meant as much to me as his silence did."

I see a tear slip down Anakin's cheek, and I give his hand a small squeeze.

"If your mother is half as proud, and loved you half as much as much as I do….then regardless of what she said or couldn't say, you can be sure that the fact that she held onto the belief that you would come back to her, that she would see you one last time…well that should tell you more than she ever could have done."

He nods thankfully at me, and I gently run my hand through his sandy cropped hair, tugging slightly at his padawan braid, my heart soaring as he flashes a small lop-sided smile at me.

"I couldn't have asked for a better Master than you Obi-Wan. I know you think that you've failed me, but you haven't. It's my fault for being so headstrong and…well…"

"Cocky?"

"I was going to say talented….but yeah lets go with cocky."

He laughs gently along with me, and at that moment, nothing sounds more wonderful. Glancing again at his padawan braid, I feel a slight tug at my heart as I remember my proposal I put forward to Master Yoda.

"Anakin, there's been something I've been meaning to tell you…I've urm…."

But at that moment, the door chime sounds through the apartment and I sigh as I sense Bant waiting outside the door. I help Anakin upright, leaning him against some pillows.

"Master…what we're you trying to tell me?"

"It's not important right now Anakin. I have someone you need to meet."

He looks slightly nervous as I sense him reach out and detect a person he's not familiar with.

"Who is it?"

"An old friend of mine….she's concerned about you. I told her it was ok to come and see you but if you don't feel up to it then I can send her away."

"No…no it's…I'll be ok."

I nod slightly, feeling awful for lying to him, but knowing in my heart that this is what he needs. But somehow I just can't help but feel that I am betraying his trust, putting him through more emotional pain that I shouldn't be.


	16. Chapter 16 Bant's Introduction

**A/N: Hey All! I'm getting loads of new reveiwers and I an so physced cause of that and the fact that its nearly christmas! I've got all chapters up to 22 written up and one of them is an Intermission where we learn a little bit about Obi-Wan. I want to know if you think this is a good idea or if you think that I should stick with the whole Anakin Angst for the remiander of the story. Let me know! I will update quicker this week, there will probably be another update on Friday so that I can get as many done before Christmas to keep you entertained.**

**Let me know in the reveiw guys and may the force be with you all. xx**

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"Hi there Anakin! My name is Bant, I'm a friend of Obi-Wan's. How are you feeling?"

I eye the strange person standing in the doorway of my room. She is beautiful, not so much as Padme but still attractive. She has a kind of twinkle in her eye and her tone is soft and comforting. Yet there is something odd about her that makes my force sense tingle with fear and mistrust. I vaguely murmur a short greeting and tense slightly as she moves into the room. I look around quickly for Obi-Wan, and am relieved when I find him still standing, amused in the doorway.

Bant has settled herself on the edge of my bed, looking me over quizzically, but searching for what I still can't tell.

"Well for someone who seems to be on the mend at a considerably quick rate you are awfully grumpy."

Hang on, how does she know that I am on the mend, she doesn't even know me and I'll be damned if the news that I am recovering has spread around the temple this quickly. I frown, trying to think where she could have heard it….but in the end I only assume that Obi-Wan has told her.

"I was fine until you showed up."

I can feel Obi-Wan's scolding before my name has even passed his lips, but I really don't care. There is something about Bant that irritates me, scares me, I just don't know what it is! I inwardly kick myself for being stupid, telling myself that its only because I'm not used to visitors yet seeing as our last ones were….well there are no words. I hear Bant's soft laugh sound again.

"No Obi-wan it's alright. I understand. He's just trying to get better and the last thing he needs is some random person to come pocking her nose in. Isn't that right Anakin! However I do wish to ask you one thing….what is it like having a robo-arm?"

I look back to her startled and a bit shocked at her audacity.

"Excuse me!"

"I'm sorry, it's just…well… I've seen people with them…even attached a few myself but I've never actually got to speak to anyone about their experience with them."

That's when the last piece of the puzzle falls into place, that's when I realize exactly who she is.

"Y...You…You're...You've…"

I shrink away from her as she moves closer, reaching out to touch me. I look over to Obi-wan who has now decided that the floor is far more interesting than me or my visitor. Fear creeps through my muscles again, making them twitch, making my already shallow breathing rasp harder, making my chest hurt with every breath.

"Get away…from me….leave me alone….leave me!"

"Why?"

I glare at her, knowing what her motives are for being here.

"You're a healer."

"And your point being?"

"You won't…take me….no never…you won't."

I can see Obi-Wan shuddering in the doorway, trying desperately to fight the urge to rush over and protect me. But why doesn't he. There is something about him that is telling me to fight the fear that resides in my heart and listen to what Bant is saying. She looks exceptionally calm, despite the growing threatening look on my face and the tone of voice that I rapidly adopt. In fact, she edges that little bit closer to me and gently lays her finger tips over my chest, taking away the pain that crashes over it. My breaths aren't as raspy now, and I can breathe that tiny bit easier. Then she speaks to me in that soothing tone that reminds me so much of my mother.

"Anakin…did I say at any point that I wish to take you back to the healer's wing?"

"Well…no….but…"

"And have I forced you to do something you don't want to do?"

"No"

"And I'll have you know I don't intend to either. The only reason I am here is because Obi-Wan asked me to come and see you, to help you get better quickly so that you can be off flying and doing all the things you love in no time. Now I know that you have had a traumatic experience, but you of all people should understand not to judge others because of their job. Most of us are kind hearted people who wouldn't even dream of doing the things those healers did to you last night. They are being dealt with and you should have an explanation as to why they did what they did soon enough."

As her logic invades my cluttered, misguided thoughts, I feel the pressure start to clear in my head, rearranging my own logic and brushing aside the small traces of fear that keep a strangle hold on my soul.

Smiling she runs gentle hands over my bandages and bruises from yesterday's attack, over the lightning burns on my chest and abdomen, all the time speaking calmly, telling me what is happening and how I have improved. Eventually she comes to the end of my stump and I frown as she stops and leans back, not going any further.

"What's the matter? I thought you see these all the time."

"Oh I do. I just wanted you to be the one who shows me. And as you show me, I want you to tell me how you feel."

I hear Obi-Wan smother a chuckle at my stubborn frown that passes over my face, but soon the roles are reversed and I'm stifling back chuckles of laughter as Bant turns on him.

"I don't know what you find so funny Kenobi. I'll be dealing with you next. You don't exactly look the picture of health either. So I suggest, unless you want a particularly extensive check up, you go and get some rest and let me deal with my patient."

He looks completely taken aback and it feels wonderful to finally have someone else lecturing Obi-Wan, instead of him lecturing me. After a while a small smile spreads across his face and his reassuring words, aimed at Bant but directed at me, wrap comforting tendrils of light round my soul.

"I'm staying right here. I had enough sleep last night, and besides, I enjoy seeing Anakin answer to someone other than me for a change."

She laughs and turns her focus back on me.

"So it's you whose been giving Obi-Wan grey hairs! And here I was thinking it was old age."

I grin as I hear Obi-Wan splutter, but quickly jump in before Bant gets a rendition of the 'I'm not that old' lecture.

"Yeah it is mainly me, my flying skills and my daring impulsiveness that's aged him. Well…actually….its more like me and my….stupidity and recklessness."

I glance down at the sheet that covers my arm and gently pull it back to look upon the fragile mechanics wired to my nerves as though seeing it for the first time. I see the whole scene of my loss, my failure replayed in its shining gold, and my heart thuds as I hear the words come flooding back.

_We'll take him together….you go in slowly on the left…I'll.._

_I'm taking him now!_

_No! Anakin No!_

I wince as the force lightning burns sting my ribs and the impact of the wall arches my back. My body is jolted into a sitting position as the pain shoots through my body, and I lash out as I feel a soft hand on my shoulder gently push me back down into the soft sheets of the bed. But the person quickly grabs my wrists and holds them down, me unconsciously struggling against their grip. It takes some time before I can look up again, and I start to shake as I find Bant gazing steadily at me from her position on the bed, and Obi-Wan now knelt beside me, gripping my wrists tightly, aided with the force, to stop me hurting either myself or them.

"I...I'm sorry I don't know what…what happened…it just…."

But I see Bant shaking her head smiling, understanding. I break off my sentence and gaze steadily at her, feeling her hand slip away from my human one to run slender fingers down my mechanical one. I still don't trust her, especially after my last episode. I still question her motives for being here, but I trust Obi-Wan more than anyone, and as long as he or Padme is here with her and me, I feel safe. But leave me alone with her….I couldn't handle it. Both Obi-Wan and I watch her expression intently, as it flickers every so often from confusion to understanding. Eventually she breaks away.

"Well Anakin, I must say this should be pretty easy for you to get used to. What the team did was fuse the wires to your severed nerve endings as well as to your skin. Once its activated, with your determination and strength, I'm sure you'll be back on your feet in no time."

I nod slowly, glancing back down to my mechanical hand. I force myself to look at it, to take in its repulsiveness and accept it. This is what I have to live with for the rest of my life, I have no choice. But why must it be as repulsive as I make it out to be. Why cant I just look and accept it for what Padme sees it as….our symbol of love, tragedy and heartache.

"How long is it until we…you know…work on it?"

"Whenever you're ready Anakin. Like I said before I am not here to force you into anything, but I must say that sooner is better than later. The less the nerves are used the deader they become and it will be more painful to get them back again."

"How's…right now for you?"

I see Bant and Obi-Wan share a nervous glance and I sigh in frustration and anger. Why in my life must there always be an obstacle that I have to tackle before I can do anything. Sure everyone has them but why are mine so big, so much more….frustrating?

"Anakin….I was thinking more….tomorrow or even the day after that."

"But **_I _**want to do it now. And if you won't help me then I'll do it myself!"

"Oh no you wont Skywalker! Even if I have to be here 24/7 there is no way I am going to allow you to do this alone."

She is glaring at me now but I glare steadily back at her, just daring her to tell me otherwise again, until a new gentle voice sounds from the doorway.

"Oh for force sake Anakin! Why must you always make things so difficult for yourself?"

I could sense who the new voice belonged to long before the words left her lips, and I look longingly to the doorway as she enters, my anger in Bant and Obi-Wan evaporates as her soft gaze meets mine.

"Padme…"

I want to cry as she fly's into my arm, holding me close to her. I breathe in her silky scent and grasp her tighter, refusing to let her go. Then I hear her voice again and I listen to it, not the words as such, just her general voice.

"Just go get yourself checked out Obi-Wan….I'll be fine, he's awake."

I hear him sigh and I grin as he is dragged out the room by Bant, grumbling and complaining all the way. The door closes and my lips instantly find hers, and we lock again in a passionate kiss, one that is all too brief. She pulls away, a frown crossing her beautiful features.

"Oh Anakin…I swear if you ever scare me like that again….I don't know what I'll do."

I reach up and place my hand on the back of her neck, stroking it softly, leaning her back into me slowly.

"I'm sorry Padme. I just wasn't thinking straight. But I am now…my head is clearer than I ever thought it could be."

I run my hand down her back, and feel the bandages wrapped round her chest from the Nexu wounds. I move my hand over them gently as we lock lips once more, and run it down slowly to her side. But she pulls away again, hissing ever so slightly in pain.

"Padme…what's wrong?"

"It's nothing Anakin, just a few bruises from Genosis that's all."

I frown and pull up the top half of her senatorial regalia to find one huge bruise glaring back out at me. I reach through the force and can feel her insecurity and fear before I've even properly searched for it. I can tell she's lying to me and it would have hurt if I wasn't already wracked with pain.

"Padme….what really happened?"


	17. Chapter 17 Anakin's Surprise

**A/N: Alright, just to answer a few questions first. A Hypospray is the Star Wars equivalent to an injection, the drug they need is loaded into the spray, the device is then placed on the neck or on the arm depending on what drug it is and the drug is introduced into the blood stream. I currentyl have no idea how it works, ask Anakin he might know. lol. Also, I didnt actually know Bant was Mon Calamarian, opps. The rest of my chapters are all paced on her being human...urm...can you all pretend she is human for me? please? If not tell me and i'll change the chapters.**

**One final point, if you place anonomous reveiws, it makes it harder for me to respond to your reveiws. Therefore it is preferable that you leave signed reveiws but if not then dont worry. You just might not get a reveiw response thats all.**

**Alright, enjoy this chapter and May the Force be with you. xx**

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I should have known I wouldn't be able to lie to him. I should have known that he would have been able to sense my injuries long before I could tell him about them. He's looking worriedly at me, treating me now as if I'm made of glass.

"Anakin my love, I promise you it's nothing to worry about. I'm fine its you who needs my help not the other way round right now. Let me help you this time."

"But Padme...there is something you..."

"ANAKIN! Listen, if it was something you needed to worry about I would tell you, but it isnt so just be good and accept my answer for a change!"

I expect much more of a fight from him at my answer, but am relieved when he sighs and seems to drop the conversation, obviously too tired to deal with arguing with me right now. It scares me to see him so weak and vulnerable; it's not an Anakin I'm used to. He pulls me back into him again, gently running soft fingers up and down my spine as his soft lips gently caress my neck, reaching up to find my lips again. It's a kiss that I will treasure for the rest of my life, because it's a signal that my Ani truly is returning.

Eventually he pulls away again, bringing his hand up to stroke my cheek.

"I'm sorry my love…I just worry about you. I can't lose you you're…you're the only thing in the world I have left."

"Oh Ani you know that's not true. You have Obi-Wan, the Jedi, Owen and Beru…"

"But none of it means anything without you. Through my toughest missions with Obi-Wan, do you know what kept me alive? The thought that if I die, I would never get to be with you, to love you. My life depends on you Padme….you are my life."

"You must stop worrying about me and concentrate on getting yourself better again. You still have to escort me back to Naboo remember."

His hand stops and falls to his side. I grasp it firmly in my hand, smiling as his radiant, lop-sided smile spreads slowly across his face in a mix of joy and disbelief.

"Back to Naboo…you really mean it?"

I laugh, elated that Anakin's boyish charm and warm tone have sprung up from the depths of his despair to present themselves so amazingly.

"Yes Anakin…back to paradise where you can yell sweet loving words to the tallest mountains and no one would either hear or care."

"Back to holding you close and rolling around in the meadow."

"mmmm…but you have to get better first mister. And that means co-operating! Just do as Bant says and you'll be back with me on Naboo before you know it."

"I can't wait."

He runs his hand down my back again, and I gaze lovingly at him as he does so, taking in everything about him I thought I had lost. He leans up to my ear and whispers softly into it….something that makes me jerk in surprise.

"What….what did you say?"

"Marry me Padme….a life without you is something I cannot bare to think about. You said you would give your life for me…instead, give me the ultimate promise…make my dreams come true. Make the promise that you will always be mine."

"Anakin…being lovers is one thing….marriage is….harder to conceal….I…"

"Please Padme…I know it will be difficult and…I know that it is a big step for you and it is for me too. But there is something that is telling me this is right."

I sit back, looking into azure eyes where I try and find some hint that this is a big joke, that what he has just said is one of his pranks. But he is deadly serious, watching me back, waiting for my answer. But it's an answer I cannot give. Not right now, not when I start to think about everything our marriage would be founded upon. Betrayal, Deceit, secrets, lies, all things that I feel so strongly against.

But as I look Anakin over again and take in all his injuries, hear his shallow breathing haunting me from the medical bay, feel him collapse in my arms in the cave, I realise exactly how close I had come to losing him, and how much pain my worry and concern had caused me. And I realize that….I love him, that being kept apart from the funny little boy I knew 10 years ago, and seeing this grown, handsome Jedi Padawan lying helpless in front of me has altered my feelings and given me space for the one thing in my life I have denied myself since Palo. The chance to have a family, to have someone who cares so deeply and loves me so passionately beside me for eternity. My head is screaming at me to get a grip, but Anakin's warm gaze and soft touch melt the screams down and my heart can finally have its say.

"I feel it too. But there'll be risks. If the council finds out you could be expelled from the order! I don't want you ruining your future for me Anakin."

"I don't care. I would leave the order right now if you wanted me to."

"You're going to be away on missions all the time, you could die….you might never come back."

"I will always come back as long as you're waiting for me. Wild Nexu's and Bantha's couldn't keep me away, let alone a few battle droids and a sith lord or two."

"Ani….I love you so much…..I accept."

He gives a small laugh and hugs me tightly and I swear I can feel warm tears slipping down my shoulder. But I don't care, I hold him just as tightly, being careful of his burns and wounds, stroking his hair and laughing along with him.

"Padme Naberrie Amidala Skywalker….it has quite a ring to it."

"I can't believe I'm going to do this….where shall we get married?"

I see his eyes light up as he pulls away, obviously having this planned from the very moment he asked me….maybe even before hahhds.

"Naboo, away from prying eyes, safe in the lake country where no one can interfere."

I nod, picturing the scene in my head, but becoming slightly saddened at the thought that my family would be absent from my big day….the biggest day of my life. I instantly shake myself however, reminding myself that even if Anakin were allowed his family there he couldn't anyway. But something bothers me.

"Anakin…what about witnesses? We can't invite family or friends, but we can't invite strangers."

"Don't worry angel, I'll sort everything. You just concentrate on being beautiful….not that you need to try very hard."

I groan playfully and roll my eyes. I lean in so my head is resting on his brow, my lips just inches away from another tantalising kiss that makes me tingle with a new found excitement.

"Ani, that is one of the oldest lines in the book! Surly a Jedi can think of something better."

"Not really, seeing as most Jedi don't go around flirting with beautiful, impressionable senators. And besides, that line is better than the old 'Wanna come home with me so I can show you my lightsabre line."

I laugh gently and teasingly deliver the smallest of touches to his trembling lips. He tries to grab at them again, but voices and footsteps down the small hallway spring us apart, me kneeling on the floor, sliding my hand gently into his human one. And just in time as Obi-Wan and Bant re-appear, laughing and joking, Obi-Wan having changed into fresh Jedi tunics, the bruises on his face fading rapidly. Bant heads over to us, looking Anakin over.

"Well Anakin, I can see Senator Amidala has managed to perk you up a little. Now, I would rather we got some nutrients and fluids into your system before we start your physiotherapy, for the simple reason that you need them before we can begin anything remotely strenuous. It's dangerous running solely on adrenaline…Obi-Wan's been telling me how weak you've become after moving around. But of course it is your decision, if you still feel you want to begin now we can do."

I can see the flash of determination pass behind Anakin's eyes, but it rapidly disappears as I give his hand a small squeeze and a re-assuring smile. I will stick by him through whatever he decides to do, but I don't want to see him hurt again, and I mentally plead with him to take things slowly and easily.

He sighs and gives in to my pleading gaze that only he can see, murmuring some kind of acknowledgement to Bant who flashes a slight thankful smile in my direction. But as she leaves to get some medical equipment from the medical bay, she whispers in my ear. A whisper that at first makes my heart leap for joy…but then makes my blood run cold.

"I hope you and Anakin will be very happy together."


	18. Chapter 18 Things Look up

**A/N: Hey all! An early update as my christmas present to you all! I have finished school now so hopefully I can get more chapter up before christmas...it all depends how many reveiws I get really doesn't it! lol. This chappie is a bit more lighthearted than the rest, and I hope you all still go with me on the whole, I kinda changed Bant into a human thing. :-p Love you guys and may the force be with you always! xx**

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"I still say you fell in after me Anakin."

"No **_you _**fell in. I jumped purposefully in to rescue you remember! I wouldn't be stupid enough to fall into a nest full of ravaging beasts without a good reason!"

"Except you did just that!"

"No I didn't!"

I laugh as I hear his old whining tone return to his voice, and am glad that I am succeeding in taking his mind off the IV placed in the back of his hand, and the pain that is shooting through his legs as Bant and Padme work some slight physiotherapy on them to loosen up the muscles. How do I know about the pain he's going through? Well, let's just say that if someone pinched Anakin when he was over the other side of the galaxy, I would feel it as though it were being done to me. The point is I can block out the pain, Anakin on the other hand needs a distraction. The only way to distract him? Well, by doing what we do best…arguing.

"Alright, if you say that us both falling into the nest of gundarks was my fault, then I say that us ending up surrounded by angry Nemodians in a bar was your fault."

"How can that be my fault! You were the one who needed a drink!"

"Yes Anakin and why did I need that drink?"

He breaks out into a huge grin as he remembers exactly the reason why.

"Because I'd just driven speedily through heavy on-coming traffic without the lights of the speeder on."

I hear Bant and Padme burst out laughing, and I can't help but join in.

"Now you see why I have so many grey hairs."

"Point conceded Master."

Another evening had passed without event, Anakin's health keeping at a steady level, with only slight instances of him finding it difficult to breathe. I tried unsuccessfully this morning to find out what he was dreaming about, but he kept rapidly changing the subject. Eventually I just gave up, and Bant and Padme had come round later to start some Physiotherapy with him, Padme insisting that she be allowed to help.

As Bant crosses over to me and takes me to the other side of the room, out of Anakin's ear shot, I feel the pain in my legs subside to a dull throbbing, and look over at Anakin, who has his arm wrapped firmly around Padme. I frown as the picture meets my eyes and those old words spring up to accompany it.

_I'd much rather dream about Padme….just being around her again is….intoxicating._

"Obi-Wan! Will you please stop making ogle eyes at those two and listen! For force sake, anyone would think you hadn't seen two friends share a cuddle before."

I smile and turn to a rather impatient Bant, who looks thoroughly irritated with my Jar-Jar Binks like attention span.

"I'm sorry Bant…its just…I'm concerned it may be something more. There are things Anakin has said that make me wonder."

"Oh Obi, will you wake up and come back to this planet! Do you really think Padme would jeopardize her career for some…padawan crush? Now Anakin I wouldn't put it past….but Padme! You know her better than I do, but even I can see that!"

It sounds so wonderfully believable, Padme is the sensible one out of the two, whilst I have had to tell Anakin off copious times for bringing girlfriends back to the temple from drunken nights out. Padme, as far as I know, hasn't dated anyone since she started politics. I slowly sigh and give in to Bant's logic.

"I guess your right. I'm sorry its just….I care about him, I don't want to lose him."

"I know, but hey, you've got nothing to worry about. Anakin's a big boy, not a 9 year old anymore. Now, let's see about getting this mechanical arm moving then shall we."

"I thought you said nothing strenuous for today."

"I did…that was until Anakin gave me a hefty kick to the shins and blamed it on reflexes."

I burst out laughing as past instances of Anakin's 'reflex actions' as he calls them, flood my memories, but I quickly suppress it as Bant's face creases into a playful frown.

"Well, I didn't find it that funny, but obviously you enjoy seeing me in pain."

"Not at all, I've been on the receiving end of Anakin's so called reflex actions before. So how do you intend to get this moving then?"

"Well you see, that's the problem. To get it moving with as little pain as possible….would require Anakin to move it without thinking about it."

"Without thinking about it? And how exactly do you intend to do that?"

"Basically it's just like you or I moving our arms now. We don't need to think about doing it and this is what Anakin needs to achieve. The more he thinks about moving it the more painful it will be when it happens. The easiest way to achieve this is…to put him in a situation where he has no choice but to move it."

"You don't mean…Bant no! You can't put him through anything else. Don't you think he's dealing with enough at the moment."

"Yes and moving this cursed arm is what his anxieties are all focused on!"

I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose, screwing up my eyes, trying to sort out the conflict that battles in my head. Bant is only trying to help and I should trust her judgment….but I've only just got Anakin to trust me again, I don't want to jeopardize this new trust, the thing that strengthens our bond with each passing hour, and besides, I'm not entirely sure Anakin trusts Bant completely either.

"Master….what's bothering you?"

His breathing has improved further since the IV was inserted. He no longer seems to be struggling for breath, though an oxygen mask and tank stands close by in case. I turn to him as his steady voice that only 24 hours ago quivered with fear and pain, rings through the now silent apartment. I give Bant a quick glance, before shaking my head and kneeling next to Anakin's bed.

"It's nothing Padawan….just a slight headache."

Technically I'm not lying, I do have a headache…but it is anything but slight. More like the whole Naboo victory procession running through my head, drums pounding and all. But Anakin doesn't think technically, and he frowns at me disapprovingly, probing my feelings to try and find the source of my conflict, although the restraint I have on his force powers prevent him from seeing anything.

"What aren't you telling me Master."

If only he knew the secrets I'm keeping from him at the moment, the things I don't want to tell him. I could tell him anything and it would probably be true. So I tell him the thing that would hurt me the least.

"I'm just…concerned for you Anakin. You gave me one good scare yesterday and I just cant help thinking that…if I leave you for one second it could happen again."

I know he senses more, and I silently plead with him not to inquire further. I hate myself for keeping things from him….especially the fact that in a few months he could be taking his Jedi Trials…leaving me.

He quietly slips his hand out of Padme's and into mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. I look down at it and swallow as I am forcefully reminded of Anakin's condition. I run a finger gently over the bandage that covers his wrist and watch as he winces ever so slightly.

"These need to be changed…"

I go to collect the bandages and bacta from the 'fresher but I am stopped as Anakin keeps a weak hold on my hand. I turn back to him, sitting on the edge of the bed this time, next to Padme who has a hand placed gently on Anakin's bare abdomen, rubbing it soothingly as Bant showed her to relieve Anakin of the cramping pains he complains of.

"Master…you need to rest. All you've done is run around after me ever since we arrived back. I won't have a Master left by the end of all this if you carry on the way you are."

"And you presume that to be a bad thing?"

He grins at me and my insides squirm with joy when I see him do so.

"Well if I didn't have one, I'd have no one to catch my lightsabre when I conveniently decide to throw it somewhere will I?"

I smile wearily back at him, rubbing my eyes with my free hand, the thought running constantly through my head that very soon, Anakin isn't going to need a Master anyway, regardless of where I am in the picture.

"Go Master…I'll be alright here with Bant and Padme. Go meditate in the Thousand Fountains….or you could go get totally hammered."

I instantly snap upright as Bant's surprised look meets the corner of my eye. I glare at Anakin.

"Anakin, that was one time that happened!"

"True…one very funny time! Long long ago when Obi-Wan was not as uptight as he is now….boy that was a long time ago."

"Alright Anakin! I get the point I'm going."

"Meditating…or getting hammered?"

"Right that's it!"

Standing up I use the force to call a pillow to me and I hurl it in Anakin's direction. I laugh as Anakin catches it, until he lifts it above his head.

"Oh too slow old man! I…"

I smile as he stops and looks up…to see his gold gleaming hand holding the pillow high above his head.


	19. Chapter 19 First Steps are the hardest

**A/N: Hi All, glad most of you liked the last chapter, I have to say I am finally relieved to get Anakin moving again, but he stil has a way to go yet. Chapter 21 goes of on a bit of a tangent though with us learning a bit more about Obi-wan, so be prepared. This chappie is more about Anakin and his thoughts and feelings to give you an update. This may be my last one before christmas now, and for all who dont know, I have a new fic posted called The Bond that Binds us. It is completly different to this one, a lot more painful Ani angst for those of you who like that kind of thing! Take a look, you may like it! Have a great christmas everyone and May the Force be with you always. xx**

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What am I doing? What have I done? One minute Obi-Wan is hurling pillows at me and the next Padme and him are all over me. It is then that I realise that my mechanical hand no longer lays useless at my side, but is raised high above my head, clutching the white pillow inside its glowing grasp, poised to throw it back to the empty space where Obi-Wan was standing. I blink in surprise at the sight as all the consequences of this one simple action come flooding in. I can continue my Jedi training, I can eventually make Dooku pay for what he has done to me….I can marry Padme….I can marry Padme! I can marry the woman I have loved since the day we met, been apart from for ten years and finally got to love me in return. And yet I still can't believe that I've done it. I just sit staring at it as it glints and whirs above my head. I feel Bant head slowly over to me, and lower my arm gently back down, my eyes following all the way. Eventually I register her voice whispering gently to me.

"Anakin…how are you feeling?"

"I don't…I mean how…I'm confused…"

"It's ok, that's understandable, you weren't ready for this, and it is bound to come as a bit of a shock."

"How did…I mean what…"

But I can't seem to find the words. Everything about what has just happened, everything that has happened,is muddled. Bant sits beside me frowning and places a finger on each temple, resting them there for a moment, before removing them and sighing.

"I think its about time we left you alone for a while Anakin. You obviously have some things you need to sort through, and maybe its best you reflect on them alone. We'll be back soon."

Blankly I nod, not taking my focus off of my arm. I feel Padme gently squeeze my hand as she rises from the bed, following Bant out of the room, followed soon by Obi-Wan. And then I am alone, alone with just my thoughts. I push myself up so I am sitting cross legged on my bed. I place my mechanical arm in my lap and wiggle the fingers slowly. I feel now a small burning where the wires are fused to my nerves, but using the force I can dull it down.

It feels weird to see this…thing moving in the space where my real hand should be. I still don't quite understand how I have managed to do this, I expected it to be a lot harder than just simply doing it. In fact, I didn't even realise I had done anything until Padme's hands moved off my abdomen and her arms were suddenly flung round my neck. Oh how wonderful that felt….how wonderful it feels to have her by my side, soon to be by me forever. Soon….but I want it now. It frightens me that at any moment, Padme could be snatched from me before we get the chance to be together. I need her more than I think she or anyone else knows…like I needed my mother.

But to be with her, I need to 'recover'. But what if I don't recover? Physically, maybe in a couple of days, but mentally, psychologically? Even Obi-Wan and Bant are unsure of how long it is going to take for me to be back to how I was before all this happened. But what can I do? When I feel so lost and confused, unable to tell anyone of the things I've done. Guilt and fear consume me, feeding the cold dragon that is coiled, hissing and snapping behind my furnace heart, and it scares me. I need to tell someone, only Padme knows of my actions at the Tusken Camp, and only she will know of our marriage. I need someone else, someone who understands…what about Obi-wan? No…No I can't tell him, it would break his heart to know I've disobeyed him and the code that he lives by, betrayed his trust in me. Oh force, how the hell can I keep this from him? He's my father, how can I do this to him? There's only one person I can talk to…I can trust absolutely…but to do that I need to get out of this bed.

I swing my legs over the side, breathing deeply as my soles touch the soft carpet. I slide the IV needle out the back of my hand and place a small amount of pressure on my legs, throwing up force walls in my mind to stop Obi-Wan from sensing the pain shooting through my legs. Groaning, I push myself to my feet, leaning heavily on the dresser at my side. I grin to myself, thinking this should be the easiest part for me to do. Well that was until my legs buckled again and I fell down.

This time I can't help but yell in agony, the unnatural pressure on my legs making my muscles spasm. My eyes squeeze shut against the pain, trying to suppress my aching muscles, trying to stop them from sending shockwaves of pain through me. Luckily, Obi-Wan hasn't heard my desperate screams…either that or he's just letting me deal with this alone.

I force myself to stand up again and this time manage to take a couple of steps forward before having to stop as my legs grow weak.

"Anakin!"

I look over to the door and groan as Obi-Wan steps furiously into the room.

"Anakin! What in force name do you think you are doing!"

He crosses over to me, pulling one of my arms over his shoulders, supporting me back to the bed, where I sit angrily. I look up to him as he stands above me, arms folded across his chest.

"Alright, I'm waiting for the explanation."

"I was walking Master! I would have thought that was obvious. I know your old but I didn't think you were blind."

"Anakin now is not the time for joking around. You could have seriously hurt yourself! You know Bant said not to try this until your legs are stronger."

I can feel the anger bubbling inside me as he scolds. I need to talk to Palpatine, I don't want to hurt Obi-Wan and to protect him I need to see Palpatine!

"For Force Sake Obi-Wan, I don't care what Bant says. She's just another healer and I don't trust her. I know what's best for me not her, she isn't me and she doesn't know me. I was walking around the room not running around the whole temple. And yes, alright it hurt and I fell down…but why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up again! You are not going to be here every time I fall. I've picked myself back up for 9 years…I can take care of myself."

"Anakin…I trust Bant, she's one of my oldest friends and she is trying her best to get you well again. How can you get better if you keep disobeying orders? Its all very well saying you can pick yourself back up again but what happens when you can't? What happens when you're alone and you fall with no one to help?"

I remain silent, diverting my attention to a blood stain on the floor. I bring my bandaged hand to my lap. This is what happens when I fall with no one to catch me….I get hurt….others get hurt….Innocents feel the consequences of my anger and they hurt. This is why I need to talk to Palpatine.

"Master…I am sick to death of being treated like I'm an invalid!"

"You are an invalid! Not to mention a danger to yourself!"

I push myself off the bed into a standing position again, towering slightly above Obi-Wan.

"There is nothing wrong with me Master! I'm just not used to being on my feet. If you want to help me, stop listening to the healers advice and trust me."

I see him falter, looking directly into my eyes with his saddened, weary look that I loathe because it always takes the focus of the conflict off of the point, because it makes him look far older then he is. I sigh and place my bandaged hand on his shoulder.

"Master…let me do this for myself. I need to get back on my feet."

I see his shoulders drop in submission and he looks down at the floor, before removing my hand from his shoulder.

"Alright Anakin, but you stay right here in the apartment, no gallivanting off around the temple."

"Agreed, although I don't think I could even if I wanted to do you?"

He smiles

"True…Padme's gone with Bant to the healer's wing, Bant wants to check her Nexu wounds. Do you want me to get her back up here, I know she helps support you."

"No, I just need to do this on my own, thanks anyway Master."

He nods to me and turns out the room, but not before telling me he'll be out in the living area if I need him. I smile, and realise sadly that I do need him…but to keep him with me, I need to talk to Palpatine….to start getting better.


	20. Chapter 20 Discoveries

"Bant, please don't, they're nothing."

"Oh really! So huge Nexu scratches down our back count as nothing do they? I'm terribly sorry but they don't count as nothing in my book. Just keep still while I clean and re-bandage these, if you keep all this sand in them it will rapidly become infected.."

"But I got them cleaned by the clones on Geneosis."

"Well their version of clean is not the same as mine, especially when I hear you were in a bit of a hurry. Now if you don't stay still I'll get Anakin down here to deal with you."

I groan and stop fidgeting in the small healers room. Bant works carefully on the wounds on my back, but I still wince as she extracts small grains of sand from them and rubs bacta ointment over them. Upon seeing me wincing in Obi-Wan and Anakin's apartment, Bant had insisted she check me over, and Obi-Wan hadn't helped by laughing at my protests and encouraging Bant further.

I just want to be with Anakin, to hold him close, share his pain, help him to overcome everything that is haunting him. Has he told anyone else about us? Has he told Obi-Wan about the events at the Tusken Camp? I can't believe that he would normally, but in his frame of mind I've come to think that anything is possible for him, especially after his proposal. I am over the moon about it of course, but something is telling me that I shouldn't be…that if anyone found out….like Bant must have found out. Bant…friend to Obi-Wan, a Jedi with good connections to the Jedi Council. A wave of sudden panic rises in my chest, and I frown, hoping that maybe that what she has said earlier has no connection with his proposal….

"Bant…what did you mean when you whispered to me couple of hours ago?"

"I meant what I said earlier Senator, I hope you and Anakin will be very happy together. I'm just going to bandage these."

"What did Anakin tell you?"

"Anakin didn't tell me anything, well not directly at least."

"You were eavesdropping!"

I hear her laugh and feel her start to place gauzes over the scratches.

"No, you and Anakin were talking so loudly anyone walking past the door on their way to the fresher could hear."

I quickly spin round, earning myself a disapproving glare, but upsetting Bant is the last thing I'm thinking about."

"Bant…does Obi-Wan know?"

"Senator please turn around so I can finish my job. Honestly, you are worse than Anakin."

"Not until you tell me!"

She sighs and looks wearily at the floor, before returning her gaze to me.

"No…not of your engagement anyway. He does suspect something is going on between you though."

"Have you told him anything?"

"Of course not, I couldn't put Obi-Wan in that position."

"What position?"

"Having to choose between his duty to the Order and his duty to his best friends."

I feel instantly uncomfortable. Bant is one of Obi-Wan's best friends too….she could tell him at any moment, despite the fact she says she couldn't. Anakin and I will be torn apart again. Or would we? Didn't Anakin say he would leave the Jedi Order for me if the decision came to it? But I can't do that to him, the Order is his life, his only family now his mother is gone. If the time did come, I wouldn't give him a choice.

But would Obi-Wan? Of course he would, he would turn Anakin over to the council, and then Anakin would be forced to choose, and I have a good idea of which way he would choose to go. I also know that they way he would choose would gradually destroy him. He was born to save people, not being able to would destroy him.

"You know, you should give our Obi more credit. He may be loyal to the Order and the Code, but he cares for the ones he loves."

I look up startled, wondering if I had perhaps said these things out loud. She's smiling softly, almost wistfully at a point just behind my head. I turn around to see what she is looking at, but groan as Bant quickly resumes her healing, and I realise I've been tricked. But something troubles me, how did she know what I was thinking? And how, after being separated from Obi-Wan for such a long time, did she know so much about the people he cares about, the people he loves? The only people I know directly who could do that are Anakin and Obi-Wan….

"Bant…..are you a Jedi?"

"A Jedi Healer….I may not be able to fight with a lightsabre as well as Yoda or Mace Windu, but if it comes to it, I can defend myself and others. And I can guarantee, I've saved almost as many lives as my friends on the council have, doing what I do."

"So that's how you knew what I was thinking then."

"Partly, I can also tell by the look of hurt and confusion that passes through your eyes. There all done."

I slide gently off the table, rolling my top back down, wincing slightly as it rubs on the bruises, though Bant's ointment is starting to bring them down considerably.

"How do you know so much about Obi-Wan? I didn't think you were together that much."

"We aren't. He's almost always away on missions and when he isn't he's generally too busy training Anakin or doing some work for the council. I just know from past experiences how far Obi-Wan will go to protect someone he loves."

"Past Experience?"

"Senator, must you always ask so many questions? That is an entirely different story."

"Please call me Padme, and I have time to listen to a story. I need one to take my mind off of Anakin."

She's looking at me intently, and I quickly put my mock pleading look on my face causing her to relax and laugh.

"You look like a little girl when you do that."

"mmm, that's what Anakin says. Come on Bant tell me! Prove to me that Obi-Wan Kenobi wasn't always the strict, uptight master that Anakin is always winging about."

"Alright, but you cannot tell him or Obi-Wan that I told you."

"I promise, my lips are sealed."

She takes a deep breath and sighs, settling herself in a chair while I re-take my position up on the bed.

"Ok, it was around 15 years ago. Obi-Wan and I grew up together and he had been training under Master Qui-Gon Jinn for a number of years…..but one day, something happened….something that changed Obi's life..."


	21. Chapter 21 Intermission Secret Past

**A/N: I am so ashamed of myself. I am terribly sorry for forgetting to write an authors note last chapter. So here goes, I hope everyone had a lovely christmas and a fantastic new year. I also want to thank everyone for sticking with this and just to tell you that soon it will be coming to an end. I only have maybe, 5 to 6 more chapters to go if that, and I am very very sorry that it is ending. ButI got the two others I am working on to cheer me up. :-p Enjoy!**

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He tore down the abandoned hallway of the Jedi temple, his padawan braid bouncing beside his ear, lightsabre humming at his side. He could hear the battle raging from the depths of the temple, and he shuddered as he heard the screams of frightened younglings in the training rooms, each guarded by a Jedi Master. They were safe, and it eased Obi-Wan's worry slightly to know this, but his Master was in the heart of the battle itself, trying desperately to fight off Xantos, his old apprentice before Obi-wan that had now been included in The Lost 19. Xantos had come back, looking to take revenge on the Jedi, looking to take out his old master. As far as Obi-Wan could tell, he was losing that battle, Qui-Gon stood as powerful as ever against him in the force. But it still scared Obi-Wan to think that Qui-Gon was fighting him alone, and so he had broken away from the other Jedi, and now hurtled towards the Room of a Thousand Fountains.

He burst through the door, lightsabre automatically raised in defense, to be met by an intense lightsabre battle flashing before his eyes. Xantos and Qui-Gon's blades were clashing furiously against each other, neither one backing down or yielding. Obi-Wan stood in awe of his Master, never before had he seen him fight so strongly. But that awe soon turned to horror as Xantos landed a kick to his Master's gut that sent him hurtling over the balcony and crashing on top of one of the many deactivated fountains. Xantos leaped over too, lightsabre raised, ready to deliver the final blow. With a cry, Obi-Wan jumped in, blocking the lightsabre just inches from Qui-Gon's head. Xantos smirked and batted it away quickly, before lunching a blinding attack on Obi-Wan. They were stood fighting on top of the fountain; lightsabres clashing furiously, both men leaning dangerously close to the edge. Behind the lightsabre, Obi-Wan could see Xantos' grin, and he quickly reached for a secure stronghold as the fountains burst into life. The water cascaded round his feet, making the concrete and durasteel surface they were fighting on incredibly slippery. But Obi-Wan's attention was focused solely on Xantos and the deadly red blade that continuously crashed against sky blue. He could feel himself tiring, and knew he wouldn't be able to keep this up much longer. He sank slowly to his knees, still weakly defending against the onslaught of blows that rained upon him. His legs slipped out from underneath him…and the blows stopped.

Obi-Wan leapt forward as Xantos went over the edge of the fountain, just catching his wrist as he went down. He felt himself slipping, and quickly hooked his ankle round the railings, yelling in pain as his body was pulled in two different directions. Xantos looked up to him, eyes of fire meeting with innocent blue. And for a moment, Obi-wan thought he could see a hint of the old Xantos that Qui-Gon talked about behind those walls of fire…until Xantos started to laugh manically as a scream rang out from across the hallway. Obi-Wan recognised that scream instantly, and his heart stopped.

It was Bant; he was so sure of it. He could recognise her from a mile off without having to look at her. For you see, Bant was the other person besides Qui-Gon that he dared to love, to make a strong connection with. A childhood friendship that had, despite the strict rules of the code, turned into a sweetheart romance. He knew that he was deceiving his master, the council, his jedi family….but when he looked into her eyes and felt her soft lips brush his, or her soft hands rub his cheek soothingly, all that which Obi-wan had previously lived for melted away, and all that was left was her.

He searched desperately around with his eyes, wincing as his body stretched. He heard cruel laughter resound from beneath him, and he looked down to his prisoner.

"What's it to be young Kenobi…let me go and save the one you love so desperately, or keep hold of me and lose her…forever…"

His head screamed at him, telling him that he must let the attachment pass out of his life, he had to keep hold of Xantos at least until the other members of the council arrived…or Qui-Gon woke up. But his heart battled equally as strongly against it, screaming its reasoning as loud as Bant's screams that swiftly grew more and more muffled underneath the cascade of waterfalls. His heart pounded, and he had to make a choice…

"You don't have the guts Kenobi…"

With one slick movement, Obi-wan released his grip from Xantos' wrist and force leapt to the floor. He hurtled across the room to where he could feel Bant's weak force signature, and leapt into one of the fountains catch trays. Sure enough, a cascade of black hair and beige Jedi robes met his sight…underneath the water. He heard the clunk of chains as he moved forward, and looked down to find two ankles shackled tightly to the floor.

"Oh no….please no!"

Obi-Wan moved to her shoulders, pulling them out of the water so that her head broke the surface. He called his fallen lightsabre to his hand, and swiftly used the blade to slice through her ankle and wrist restraints, freeing her from the bottom of the fountain. Sobbing, he pulled her out, cradling her in his arms, stroking her soft black hair. He laid her gently on the floor, and tried to revive her, to get her to respond to his desperate attempts. He closed his eyes every time he preformed the kiss of life, pleading with her to take his lips in hers. Eventually however, he rested his head on her forehead, hysterically sobbing as her motionless body hung limp in his arms. He pounded her chest, angry at her letting go so soon, angry with himself for not getting there quick enough.

"Bant! Oh Bant please! I love you, please Bant, don't do this…"

The waterfalls had quietened to a slow trickle, the calm peaceful atmosphere, returning in their comforting noises. But Obi-Wan barley noticed, his sobs filling the silence around him, his tears creating waterfalls of their own. But soon, another sound joined in, a hacking, choking sound…

He looked down to see Bant, her body heaving; her eyes wide open in shock. He quickly rolled her onto her side, and watched breathlessly as she spluttered and heaved, forcing the water from her lungs and gasping for breath. He pulled her tightly into his arms and held her close, as she cried into his tunic.

"Obi-Wan…I was so scared…"

"I know…I know I'm sorry. I didn't know you were here, I found you…you're safe…everything's alright…"

"You…you saved me."

"Of course I did. I love you Bant, you are my life. Asking me to live without you would be like ripping out my heart and asking me to live without it. It is impossible Bant, something that can never and will never be done."

He moved his face closer to hers and their lips locked lovingly, reassuringly…until a familiar voice boomed from over the other side of the temple.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi…"

Obi-Wan rose shakily to his feet, supporting Bant as he did so, helping her to stand. He turned to where the voice had come from, and found the sad, regretful look of Master Windu. He was shaking his head, looking down at his feet. Qui-Gon was kneeling beside someone else on the floor, covering it with his Jedi Cloak.

Bant gasped as her eyes met the sight of Xantos lying in a pool of blood, his neck broken, head smashed against the floor. He stood shaking…as he remembered letting go…letting go of an unarmed prisoner….killing an unarmed prisoner…murdering an unarmed prisoner. Bant looked to him with pleading eyes, begging him to tell her it wasn't him. But she broke down in sobs as several Jedi Knights stepped forward from beside Master Windu, and pulled her gently away from Obi-Wan's arms. Without any words, two of them took Obi-Wan's arms in their grip, and lead him out of the room.

Obi-Wan didn't put up a fight. He heard her sobs as he was escorted out, but remained looking at the floor. He heard Qui-Gon's cries of protest from behind him, but didn't even look back. He was led down to the detention bay of the Jedi Temple, receiving horrified, confused looks from his friends as he passed. They called to him, asking what was going on, but he kept his gaze to the floor all the way.

Finally, they reached his cell and he was guided gently in. He stood in the middle of the room, and heard the door glide silently closed. He fell to his knees as he looked out of barred windows…and cried.

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**And I am going to be so mean here and tell you now that I have not written another chapter in which we find out what happens to Obi-Wan after that. >:-) mwwwaahhhh! I may be persuaded to turn it into another fiction...but that would take a lot. :-) As always please R&R.**


	22. Chapter 22 Just do your best

**A/N: Hey again everyone and thank you all for the brilliant reveiws. Only one more to go until I have 100! That was my 2nd goal on this, the 1st being to entertain you all and keep you hooked of course. Still not sure about that one. I hope you enjoy this chapter, sorry that it has nothing more to do with Obi-Wan's past although some people have mailed me and told me to write another fic on it. If i dont apparently they will come and throw things at me...what do you guys think? Keep reading and reveiwing, and may the force be with you always. xx**

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I swear if I chew my lip anymore I won't have one left by the time I go to bed. I'm practicing Kata's in the middle of the living area of mine and Anakin's apartment, something which I expressly forbid Anakin to do seeing as he practically….well actually did destroy our last apartment doing them. However, they're not going too successfully as I can hear Anakin stumbling around the room behind me, cursing silently as he tries to walk.

Eventually I just give up and sit cross legged on the floor, fully prepared to sink into mediation and just let Anakin deal with this the way he wants. I don't agree with the way he is going about it, but then again this is just as much a learning curve for me as it is for him. I have to learn to leave Anakin to handle things alone, because soon he will have to start doing things alone as a Jedi Knight; not as a Padawan. I hear his muffled cry resound from the door and I put my head in my hands, fighting back the urge to rush in and help.

This is how it has been for a couple of hours. Anakin walks, or tries to, Anakin falls and calls out in pain, and then he starts the whole agonizing routine again and each time I am dragged along for the ride.

After a couple of minutes, I snap bolt upright as an eerie silence descends upon the apartment. I wait for a couple of moments before finally calling out his name, and bolt to the door when I receive no reply.

He is slumped against a wall, eyes closed and breathing heavily. I grab the oxygen mask from the bedside cabinet and pull the tank hurriedly over to him. I carefully hold the mask over his mouth and nose, rubbing his bare chest soothingly in an effort to slow his breathing. I start to whisper his name softly, feeling him shift gently under my hands, and I am relieved when he finally lets out a small groan. His eyes flicker open and instantly look towards me.

"Anakin….why didn't you just let me help you?"

His eyes close again, too weak to argue. I pull the straps of the mask over his head and ensure that it is firmly in place before gently hoisting him to his feet. I guide him over to the bed and watch as he weakly crawls between the sheets. I gently slip the IV needle back into his hand, and set the steady drip going again.

"I got…to the other side Master."

I smile gently as he re-opens his eyes, looking as though it took everything he had to mutter the short sentence. I gently ruffle his hair fondly.

"You have done very well….I'm very proud."

He smiles behind the mask, his hand resting gently on his stomach, the mechanical one lying by his side, this time on top of the covers, no longer needing to be hidden. I smile back as I think of all the progress he has made, and how much better he seems to be handling things. But underneath the sheets, I notice a difference. I gently pull them back to his waist and curse silently as I finally understand one of the reasons Anakin is so weak. The signals of mal-nutrition and starvation stare at me from behind his burns and bruises, his ribs showing painfully through his pale skin.

I instantly rise from the bed to get some food that I recall Bant saying we could get him started on soon, concerned at how thin Anakin is, and kicking myself for not realizing sooner. But a small, strangled cry from the bed sits me down next to him.

"Master…please…don't leave me alone….can't defend myself…"

I nod, understanding and place my hand gently on his shoulder, sending waves of reassurance and protection through the force to him. I gently float some small fruit and a carton of juice to my lap as I gently help Anakin to sit up so he could eat, or at least drink something. I check his breathing, and remove the mask as he reassures me it is alright to do so.

But as I bring the food in closer, he groans weakly and turns his head away.

"Anakin….you must eat something to build your strength back up."

"I don't want to…I want to rest."

"You can rest after you've eaten something I promise. Just think, the quicker you build up you're strength, the quicker you can take Padme back to Naboo."

I see something in his eyes as he looks wearily back to me, and I know that I've got to him. The one way to persuade Anakin to do what you need him to is give him a goal, a challenge he can't resist.

"Alright….but not much…"

"Just do the best you can….that's all I ever ask."

I manage to get him to eat more than I expected, and I feel better knowing, as he drifts into a weak sleep, that he has eaten and drunk something. I quietly slip out of the room after gently changing Anakin's bandages and sink into the sofa.

Force I need a drink. The council needs to see me, but I don't want to see them right now, I need to take care of Anakin, and nothing is going to stop me doing that…well except maybe Anakin himself. I need to be here for him…..just as I should have been here for Bant all those years ago. But I quickly shake those thoughts out of my head as the repercussions of that fateful evening threaten to return. I have never spoken to anyone about it or the punsihments I endured after that….not even Qui-Gon though he tried desperately to get me to tell him.

I sigh and head to bed, and set to work slowly releasing the force hold I have over Anakin's force powers, trickling back Anakin's lost sense. I smile as I feel his force signature and body strengthen as a result. I know it will not be long now before Anakin is back on his feet, giving me more grey hairs.


	23. Chapter 23 Only Human

**A/N: Hey again everyone. Hope you all enjoy this chapter, Anakin finally gets to talk with Palpatine...grins evilly And just so you know, the last chapter of this story is being written. only 3 more chapters for me to post now and then this will be the end of this story! cries Enjoy and May the Force be with you always. :-)

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I curse silently as I stumble, but manage to pull myself together again as I reach the door to my room. I muse uncomfortably that this will be the first time I attempt to walk in another room on my own. Usually I have Obi-Wan, Padme or Bant hanging off my arm walking me around my room, but now I'm alone, with only the wall for support. 

I grip it as I step into the living area of Obi-Wan and I's apartment and spot Palpatine seated on the couch. He rises and, seeing my discomfort and nervousness, takes my human elbow gently, supporting me but letting me do the work, to achieve this on my own. I smile gratefully as he helps me ease into a chair. I quickly hide my false limb underneath my night robe, still unprepared for anyone else to see or comment on it properly. He sits across from me and leans forward, gently looking at me with soft, knowledgeable eyes.

"How are you feeling Anakin? I must say you are looking far better than the last time I visited."

I remember that day with a slight wince, still ashamed that I was too weak too fight of a dark that I had been fighting back since my mother's death, but I hide it from Palpatine, although by the look on his face I think he may have noticed.

"Yes I am doing much better according to Bant. I still stumble occasionally when I walk but Bant says that could be from when I…urm…had a visit from the healers."

"Yes I did hear about that, and I got my people on it straight away. Needless to say the perpetrators were quickly discovered and were instantly removed from their positions."

"Do you have any idea why they did what they did?"

"Well according to them, they received orders from a higher authority and were unwilling to say what those orders were and why they were given. I wish I could help more."

I take a deep breath in and let it out with a sigh, still a little angry at them for what they did to me and to Obi-Wan, but I know that getting mad at them won't help me.

"Don't worry; it's not your fault. Thank you for everything that you did."

"It's nothing Anakin. I must say though, I am surprised that Master Kenobi has allowed you to walk so soon. I would have bet that he wouldn't let you stand up for another month yet."

"Oh he didn't exactly let me. I practiced in my room while his back was turned nearly all the time. I was fine for a while until one day when he came in with dinner early to find me walking…well more stumbling around my room. When he finally found his voice again he nearly shouted the roof off the temple. He's been determined to stay by my side ever since."

I see him chuckle softly and smile at my determination and stubbornness that he has often told me is my best feature.

"Master Kenobi is merely concerned for your well being I'm sure."

"I know, I know and I appreciate all his help. I don't think I would have survived this without him; but he's stifling me. I just need to do things at my pace, which is a damn sight quicker than his."

Palpatine nods gently, eyeing me again with kind, wistful eyes that seem to search my very soul, through my deepest darkest secrets, promises and fears.

"There is something troubling you my boy."

It wasn't a question, but a statement, and it caught me off guard. If I'd had known he was going to ask about this, I would have quickly denied it, despite the fact the whole reason he is here is because I finally managed to persuade Obi-wan to let him visit me, because I need to talk to him.

But now I begin to worry as I stumble over my words, trying to find something to say. Is my anxiety really that obvious to others? If so, why hasn't Obi-Wan noticed and questioned it? I suppose it's because he thinks he knows. But he doesn't know, not really.

"Please Anakin. It's not hard to recognize when one of your best friends is in need of some help. Tell me what is troubling you."

I lean against the back of the sofa, suddenly feeling extremely weak and vulnerable again…feeling the dark crawling back into my head and chest. My human hand finds my mechanical one in its hiding place and trembles there. What is the matter with me? I have always been so relaxed around Palpatine, so sure that I can trust him with anything…..but now I'm worried about him discovering my awful secret. What will he think of me now?

He moves gently from the opposite couch to the space next to me, placing a gentle, calming hand on my shoulder. I let out a shaky breath and fix my gaze on the opposite wall…anywhere away from his gentle gaze.

"I…something happened before Geneosis…I's been having nightmares about my mother. While I was on Naboo with Pa…Senator Amidala, I had a dream that….well it frightened me. I had to know sir, I had to! I didn't have a choice!"

"Anakin clam down. Everything's alright, just explain what happened."

I lean forward and put my head in my hands, shuddering as cold durasteel meets flesh, something I still haven't been able to deal with.

"She…She'd been taken by the Tusken Raiders. They were…they had hurt her just like in my dreams. When I got there…she was dying and…she died in my arms. I was holding her…she wanted to tell me she loved me and….she died. I was so angry sir. I just….I blanked and….everything happened in a blur."

"Just recall what you can."

His voice sounded so soothing at that moment. It eased the panic and tension rising in my chest instantly…until the screams returned to my thoughts…until my mother's dying gasps brought tears down my cheeks again.

"I killed them all! All of them, even…even the women and children. I killed them all…I made sure that every single one of them bloody well paid for what they did…"

But I can't say anymore because the screams of the young children now pound in my ears and the image of my mother blurs my vision. I keep trying to fight the images and sounds down but nothing is working, it's like someone is making me see these…trying to make me angry again.

But I'm not angry…I've just realized what I truly am…I'm a monster…a murderer…no better than the Tuskens laying dead on the harsh Tatooine Sands. I look down to the floor, trying to compose myself, still trying to look anywhere except Palpatine's face. But sure enough his voice rings through the blur of horrific noises running through my ears and halts everything running through my head instantly.

"Anakin my boy, please stop looking at your feet and look at me."

I look up to him hesitantly, expecting to be met by looks of horror and repulsion that I don't want to see. But Palpatine, as ever, shows no sign of any emotion. Its funny when I think about how alike Obi-Wan and Palpatine are…and yet also how different.

"Anakin…tell me this. Why did you think I would be at all surprised or indeed repulsed by your actions?"

"Sir, with all due respect, I am a murderer! I killed them in cold blood, simply for my own personal reasons, because I couldn't control my emotions and feelings like I should have done!"

"Yes Anakin yes! Feelings. Something that makes you stand out from your Jedi comrades."

He must have gone mad, I don't have a clue what he's on about and I tell him so. He answers me with an exasperated sigh as if it's blatantly obvious what he's telling me.

"Anakin, the fact that even after your many years of Jedi training, you can still feel these emotions means that you can use them to your advantage, that you haven't completely forgotten what it means to be human."

"Sir, murdering people out of anger is not only morally wrong and against the law, but it goes against the code, the order, everything Obi-Wan has ever taught me."

"But did you really murder those monsters, or have you done your duty and brought peace and justice to those that have suffered the same fate as your mother?"

I open my mouth to automatically respond with the teachings of the Jedi, but instead I find that the black fog that had been creeping back into my head since the last incident were slowly being demolished, destroyed by Palpatine's kind words. I slowly close my mouth again and look back to him, hungry for more…hungry for him to keep killing off these black tendrils that creep round my heart.

"Think about it Anakin. How many people have you saved by riding the town of the Tusken Raiders? How many livelihoods have you prevented from being destroyed? Emotion and feelings are not bad things to feel Anakin. Yes, it is possible that we become blinded by them in certain situations, but only if we allow them to be pent up behind walls of political, or in your case Jedi, training. Anger, fear, suffering…these are all perfectly normal human emotions."

"But as a Jedi you have to let go of…"

"NO ANAKIN! Stop thinking as a Jedi and start thinking about yourself as a human again. Because, in the long run, you are only human, a human that knows what its like to have a true family and that is what sets you apart from the rest of the Jedi. By allowing yourself to feel, you draw the strength and unbeatable power you need to fight alongside a great Master like Obi-Wan Kenobi. You are going to need these in the war Anakin. If you cut yourself off from them, you will just become another mindless fighter."

Why…Why oh why do his words seem to make so much sense? Everything that Obi-Wan has ever taught me seems so insignificant when I compare them to Palpatine's words. But how can I ever make myself feel right about what I've done? I can't…the plain fact that I murdered them; monsters or no, in cold blood will always haunt me. But I can ensure it doesn't happen again, Palpatine has given me the key. I need to feel these emotions…I need to in order to stop this happening again.

I look up as Palpatine slowly rises to his feet, and I quickly struggle to do so. Palpatine claps a friendly hand on my shoulder and helps me guide him to the door. But as he exits, he whispers to me.

"Remember Anakin, this is now a war. And in war, the ones that come out unscathed are those who will gain power by any means necessary and use it to their advantage. There are going to be many deaths in the order I fear, I don't want to lose you because of the Jedi's ignorance. Trust you feelings, don't shy away from them."

I nod, an uncertain, but still friendly smile following the chancellor as the royal guards escort him back to 500 republica. I lean on the doorframe as he rounds the corner, and put one hand to my head, trying to ward off the violent headache I can sense coming on. I look out over the brilliant Courascant morning, the sunlight greeting my eyes, the hum of the speeder traffic lighting my childhood spark to get out and get racing.

"Anakin Skywalker! What the hell are you doing out of the apartment!"

I groan playfully and roll my eyes as Obi-Wan's strict voice rings true down the hallway, and I hear the clatter of hurried footsteps on the marble floor. At any other time that would have irritated the hell out of me, but right now, nothing could have sounded more wonderful.


	24. Chapter 24 Leaving for Naboo

**A/N: Hey everyone. As its my birthday today, I decided that I'd give all ya an early update. :-) Just to let you all know, the last chapter has been written! I cant believe this is almost over, i've been working on it for many months now. A new fic will be coming out soon though, as I got a challenge from one of my devoted readers so watch this space, and dont forget I got The Bond that Binds us going as well. You wont get rid of me that easily. Ok, so onto Padme's last chapter. Some of you requested thatI at least mention something about Obi-Wan's past again in this story, and so Padme will do some. 2 chapters to go people. Read and Reveiw as always. Love you all. xx**

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I smile as R2-D2 and C-3PO trundle past me onto the ship, and I hear 3PO moan again about space travel. We've only had him here with us for a little over two weeks now, but he has still managed to irritate the hell out of us all. I even heard Anakin threaten to 'dismantle that irritating thing if he complains one more time.'

It's been a couple of days since Bant told me about Obi-Wan, and yet I still can't quite believe what she has told me. Just a few years before I met him, Obi-Wan was….well just like Anakin. Impulsive, a bit reckless…in love. And it makes me wonder whether or not it really is just Qui-Gon's dying plea (that I know Obi-Wan so desperately tries to fulfill) which makes him as tough and strict as he is on Anakin. Could it be that, no matter how hard he tries to forget the past, he can still see it being replayed in Anakin's life…can he see some disaster at the end of this shining rainbow that Anakin and I have started out on that we can't see? This is when I realize that Obi-Wan is much more like Anakin than I think I fully understand, and perhaps even Anakin really understands. Obi-Wan Kenobi is a never-ending puzzle, a web of his own as tightly woven as the threads in his Jedi robes. But even the greatest of all tangles can be unpicked….all it takes is a weak link.

"Master would you please stop holding my arm, it makes me look old."

Laughing I turn to the hallway leading to the landing platform as I hear Anakin's strong voice echo from somewhere behind me. I see Obi-Wan shaking his head, smiling a smile I haven't seen him wear since he brought Anakin back to Courascant. It is one of slight concern, but playfulness as he gently teases his best friend…his son.

"Well Anakin, you are nearly 20 now…"

"Oh no, don't you start that. I have plenty of 'Ha, look how old you are Master' cracks up my sleeve that I had time to think of when I was laid up in bed. I will use them."

"You do my apprentice and it will be your head."

"Now come on, I don't think that is entirely fair seeing as I just lost my arm…"

I burst out laughing as Obi-Wan swats Anakin round the head, pleased that things finally seem to be back on track between them. The past few days had been spent with Obi-Wan, Bant and I getting Anakin back up on his feet, and planning this trip. Now he walks pretty much the same as he did before Geneosis, with only a slight limp and occasional stumble evident at times.

Eventually, with more wise cracks being hurled at each other, Obi-Wan and Anakin finally reach the platform where I stand in my irritatingly elegant regalia, carefully stood so as not to displace my headdress. If I did, it would probably send me flying head first over the edge of the platform they're that damn heavy.

They both bow as the reach me, as is custom to the Jedi. I have told them not to repeatedly of course, and Anakin is always more than willing to comply with that. Its just Obi-Wan's thick skull I have to drill it into now.

Anakin grins at me as he sees my face. He know exactly what I'm thinking, or at least half the time he thinks he does. I smile along with him, giving him a hug, resisting the urge to lean up and kiss him. I can feel the warmth of one arm wrap around my back, but gently frown as he holds me when I see him make no move to put his mechanical one there. I step away smiling of course, and move to shake Obi-Wan's hand.

Hugs always make Obi-Wan feel uncomfortable, and now I know what I know I can see why. Anakin has always, according to him, teased Obi-Wan about it and now I realize how hard it will be to keep this story to myself. When I hear Anakin's jokes, will I be able to laugh along as I did? Or will an awkward silence now fall? I can't understand how Obi-Wan can stand it, how can such jokes not make him think of his past? But maybe he does, maybe it still haunts him.

"Take care of him Senator. He says he can look after himself…"

"I can look after myself!"

I stifle another laugh as Obi-Wan rolls his eyes and Anakin shifts around impatiently.

Today is finally that day that Anakin and I get to retreat back to Naboo for a week, and in a few days, we will finally be married. I smile at the thought, of how eager to get away Anakin looks, his neatly braided Padawan braid trembling with excitement.

"I'll be sure to Master Kenobi. Anakin won't get away with much with me and my handmaidens around."

Anakin playfully groans and rolls his eyes, and then darts behind Obi-Wan to hide as Bant comes storming onto the platform.

"Anakin Skywalker! Get out from behind Master Kenobi and face me like a man."

I watch as he peeps his head out from his crouching position behind Obi-Wan, and I can't help but burst out laughing again as an Impish grin spreads across his face. So many times during my stay with him had I seen that, and now after two weeks of hell, it had finally returned.

"Anakin Skywalker, don't you dare give me that grin. You know you have to take this medication with you, it was our agreement."

Anakin steps out gingerly from behind Obi-Wan, a playful pout being directed her way. He holds out his hand, looking down to the floor like a little boy who'd just been scolded. I can see Obi-Wan trying desperately not to fall about laughing, trying to be the strict Jedi Master everyone sees him as. Bant on the other hand, has no such restrictions and is practically leaning on the ship, trying to hold herself up. Anakin was truly back, and I find myself loving him more and more with each passing moment.

"Come on Ani; let's get you out of here before you get into any more trouble. I'll take his medication Bant."

I don't think I've ever seen Anakin move as quickly as he did at that moment. By the time Bant had handed me the small bottle of tablets, Anakin was in the cockpit and had fired up the engines. I shake Bant's hand before she turns to leave, smiling gently at Obi-Wan as she goes. I turn to join Anakin on the ship when Obi-Wan touches my shoulder, a worried look making me frown.

"Milady..."

"Padme."

"Padme…please take care of him. I know he still has some issues he refuses to talk to me about, and since Palpatine's visit a couple of day sago…well he seems a bit…confused."

"Don't worry; he'll be safe with me. I'll talk to him and see what's wrong. It's probably to do with his arm; I noticed he doesn't like using it."

"He has mentioned a little concern about that."

"He'll be fine, I promise. If it's something you should know about I'll contact you."

"Thank you."

This time I do give him a hug. I don't care how uncomfortable it makes him feel, it's about time Obi-Wan Kenobi came back to the real world instead of living in 'Perfect Jedi' mode all the time. I feel him tense slightly, but gently relax as he puts his arms around me. Smiling I pull away, and walk up the ramp to join Anakin, who looks thoroughly agitated. I sit next to him as he sighs with relief and, with a small wave to Obi-Wan, launches the ship into space.

I watch his hands seemingly glide over the controls, noticing the glint of gold durasteel. Its funny how at these moments, it doesn't bother him in the slightest; it works just as well as his normal hand would. When, however, it comes to working with other beings, he's hesitant…embarrassed. As his movements gently slow, I reach over and place my hand on his mechanical one. I see his shoulder's tense, and I frown as he pulls it quickly away, not looking at me, still focused on the controls.

I stand up as he puts the ship into hyperspace, and turn his chair around to face me. Carefully, I lower myself into his lap, and wrap tender arms around his neck, leaning my head on his shoulder. He still feels quite thin underneath the tunic, and it worries me a little, but I know that he still has to recover, and he is doing so now at a remarkable rate.

I feel his left arm snake round my back and pull me closer, but the absence of his right arm makes me sigh and look into sparkling blue eyes that remind me of the beautiful lakes on Naboo.

"Why so bothered Ani…"

He looks away and wraps his right arm across his stomach.

"I'm not."

I smile and gently lift his chin up to make him meet my gaze. I reach down and clasp his mechanical hand in mine, holding tighter as he starts to pull away again. I pull back gently, guiding it to the small of my back, running my own hand back up his arm to his shoulder, never stopping until I reach his cheek. I feel him gingerly move his hand up my back and I smile as his confidence grows. I lean forward and plant a gentle kiss on his lips.

Suddenly I feel him push me closer to him, and his tongue gently runs along my bottom lip before finding its way inside to meet mine. I mumble to him through my breathlessness and his invading tongue.

"Ani…we mustn't…"

"Yes we must."

I pause to respond, to explain my reasoning. The fact that he is still not at a hundred percent, that too much activity could still hurt him bothers me. However, all thoughts of that kind flee my head when a gasp escapes my throat as he caresses sensitive skin on the back of my neck, and his hand slips back down my spine, gently pulling the zip of my dress along with it.


	25. Chapter 25 Final Goodbye

**A/N: Hey everyone, sorry its taken so long to get this up, i've been really busy. Only one more chapter to post now and then this is done. I am going from here to Finish the bond that binds us, and also I have a Dukes of Hazzard Fic coming soon and then another Star Wars one which I am currently working on. **

**Just to explain, this chapter kind of has a reminissing bit by Obi-Wan at the end that is set in the third year of the clone wars before Anakin turns. It kinda fits in with my story so thats why the sudden change in time frame. Hope it works!  
Anyways, enjoy this chapter and remember to reveiw:-)**

**Disclamer: Any movie quotes in this chapter are entirly George Lucas' property.**

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"Do you believe what Count Dooku said about Sidious controlling the Senate? It doesn't feel right."

I lean gently on the window frame of one of the huge windows of the Jedi Temple and gaze out over the sunset lit city at the swarms of clones that are being loaded onto many transport ships, each unit ready to fight the battles the separatists have already started.

What Dooku had said to me on Geneosis had eaten at my mind since being held in his clutches. Could it be possible that Sidious really is controlling the senate, that everything that was and is happening is under a sith's direction, that Qui-Gon died in vain because we still allowed the sith to come to such power? Dooku had said that Qui-Gon would have helped him…if Qui-Gon knew what Dooku apparently did, would he have? At the time I had denied it, but now I have the time to think, it makes me wonder.

I look up as the soft, wise voice of Master Yoda fills the chamber, eerily empty except for him, myself and Mace Windu.

"Become unreliable, Dooku has. Joined the Dark Side. Lies, deceit, creating mistrust are his ways now."

I nod, accepting Master Yoda's words, yet still feeling something was not right about what Dooku had said. I look back to Mace as he speaks, and nod grimly as he voices my uncertainty as his own.

"Never the less, I feel we should keep a closer eye on the Senate."

"I agree."

A gentle, uncomfortable silence descends among us and what we were really going to do hits home. We were going to have to spy on the senate, watch and monitor al their activities and decisions. One word springs instantly to my mind, and stays imprinted there as I look down at my feet. Treason.

"Obi-Wan, where is your apprentice?"

I look back to hazel eyes, suddenly remembering the whole reason I was there in the first place. Anakin had already left, and I had decided to only inform the council after he had gone, mainly because I know he needs a break to sort out his own head, but also because I want him to rest before we get sent to all ends of the galaxy again.

"On his way to Naboo, escorting Senator Amidala home."

I turn and look out the window again as I hear the clatter of thousands of armored boots start to move again, and I remember back to Geneosis. I desperately want to move the conversation away from Anakin; therefore I carry on my report.

"I have to admit, without the clones it would not have been a victory."

"Victory? Victory you say?"

Master Yoda's voice hums sorrowfully grave in the air, and as I turn back to look at him, I see the signs of grief behind wise eyes. Grief for the death of any hope that negotiations would help this struggle with the separatists, and suddenly, I already know what he is going to say before he even says it.

"Master Obi-Wan, not victory. The shroud of the dark side has fallen…begun, the clone wars have."

Sighing I nod, looking down to the floor, the uncomfortable, grieving silence broken only by the roar of departing ships and clacking of boots outside. Eventually I see Mace sigh and bow respectfully to Master Yoda, an action that I am quick to follow.

As I walk down the corridor of the temple, I realize how little I actually have to do now that my report on the mission had been done. Usually, I would be running around with Anakin, trying to get him to spar or meditate, most of the time trying to keep him out of trouble.

I head wearily up to the apartment, looking forward to a nice week long break myself, having greatly deserved it. My wounds from the battle with Dooku have nicely healed thanks to Bant's careful instruction and care, all that remained now was to rest up to gain my strength back.

However, as I get nearer to the apartment, I realize that something isn't quite right, that someone is already in there. I quickly pull my lightsaber to my hand, and step cautiously into the room, keeping my guard up….until I catch a glimpse of long black hair, and the soft humming of her voice.

"Bant…"

"Oh hi Obi-Wan. I just came by to get the rest of the med equipment I left here."

"Of course sorry. You startled me a little. I wasn't expecting anyone to be here, with Anakin being away."

She stands up, smiling wistfully at me before swiftly continuing her work, although I still manage to catch her whisper of _"I know you didn't…you never do anymore."_, and sigh as I recognize the underlying tone of hurt and disappointment.

"Bant, we've been over this…"

I watch shocked as she suddenly slams everything she was carrying down onto Anakin's bed and turns sharply to me, trying to control the tears in her eyes that I can see re threatening to fall.

"It doesn't stop it hurting though Obi-Wan! I have never forgotten how you used to hold me, to whisper to me, to kiss me. You were always there when I needed you and when I didn't. You made me feel special Obi-Wan; you're the only one I ever dared to fall in love with."

"That's gone now…Bant, we've moved on."

"No Obi-Wan! _You _moved on, you were forced to! What happened to you? What did those people do to you that made you forget about us so quickly? What could they possibly have done that made you forget what we had was so special, that would make you throw away the thing you swore to me meant more to you than life itself?"

"I don't want to talk about this Bant…"

"You need to, I need you to! What if it happens again but this time its Anakin who you wind up forgetting!"

"I could never forget him."

"That's what you said about us once too."

She's in front of me now, her hand placed tenderly on my cheek, gazing sadly at me with soft green eyes. I want to say something to her, to remind her that I can't go down that path again…that losing her and suffering the consequences of my actions back then is a pain that I can not deal with again. But her finger finds my lips as they open and silences me instantly, the place that she touched tingling.

"I love you Kenobi, I always have done, and I always will do. I don't know what they did to the Obi-Wan I knew, all I know is when you came back, he had gone. Is he just hiding, or is he as dead as he appears to be?"

I have to look way, down to the floor as memories come flooding back, the memories of the old Obi-Wan I can still see shining in Anakin's own personality. And that's when I realize what I am…who I have become and how I am destined to live the rest of my life. I look back up to her, my voice just a whisper.

"He's a memory Bant; he was never real to me. This is how I am meant to be, how I am meant to live my life. I am a father now, a role model that Anakin needs to look up to so he doesn't end up like I did. That means I have sacrifices that I need to make, and I made them 15 years ago."

"Then our love is just a memory….a memory or a dream that was never real…"

"A dream that never can be…I'm sorry."

I watch sadly as she sobs and turns away, gathering her things and heading towards the door, stopping and turning back to me to whisper one thing to me before she leaves.

"To you, he's just a memory, but to me he was my life, my soul, my heart. I guess that means my life is now and has always been….just a memory….a dream that was never real."

I can't look at her as she walks away, and I never did again.

Just one standard year into the battles that created the farce of the Clone Wars, Bant was killed in action when her troop's med centre was blown to pieces by the separatists on the planet of Bogdon. Her death, and the way we parted still haunts me, the fact that I never said a proper goodbye still reminds me what I threw away.

But when I look at Anakin, all that disappears, I think of what I had to sacrifice to get to where I am today, and feel proud that I did so. I have a son, a brother and a best friend all rolled into one person who I couldn't care more about. We all make choices that we see at the time as bad or inexcusable, but in the end it defines us, makes us who we are, and molds us into what we are in later life. And right now, I couldn't be happier to be Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master, friend, father and brother to Anakin Skywalker.


	26. Chapter 26 You can't stop change

**A/N: Well...I cant believe it...this is it. The final chapter to Losing Me, Gaining You. I just want to take this moment to thank everyone who has stuck by me through this story, Hopeless4life being one of them as well as Ewan007 and so many more that I just cant say thanks to you personally. Any reveiws I get on this chapter will get a reply from me. **

**So, without any further adeiu, I give you the final chapter to Losing Me, Gaining you. I hope you enjoy reading this and have enjoyed reading this story as much as I have writing it. :-) Goodbye for this story everyone and May the Force be with you always. xxx**

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As I gaze out over the lake, at this particular moment, I have no cares in the world. My still slightly bruised chest moves easily underneath my tunic as the air fills my lungs and the soothing sound of the gentle waterfalls keeps the conflicting thoughts about what I'm about to do at bay.

I'd been a week here on Naboo now, and finally, after talking with Padme and a few words with Obi-Wan when he called to see how I am doing; my head seems to be near enough straightened out. Of course, there is a lot more that Padme knows than Obi-Wan does; I don't think I'm ever going to be able to tell him what I did on Tatooine, or what I'm about to do now. But Padme…she knows everything, everything I've ever felt or thought or done because she will soon be my wife…Mrs Padme Naberrie Amidala Skywalker, and we decided that there should be no more secrets between us.

But I still can't get my head around the fact that she agreed. When we first got to talking, the first question I asked her was whether she only said yes because I was near enough at death's door. I was soon put right about that.

I look down as the fading sunlight glinted off the golden durasteel of my replacement arm. I hate the way it looks and I felt so sure that my whole life was ruined because of it, but Padme's overwhelming confidence in me and the unfaltering dedication she has to show me she isn't bothered by it makes me realize how stupid this whole ordeal has been. It should have been simple, straightforward, go get Dooku and end the war before it began. But because of me, he got away and our search for him was halted because I couldn't keep my head straight.

Obi-Wan has talked to me about this, and everytime, his reassuring words boosts my confidence just that little bit more. There are two people in my life that I just can't live without, and those two people are my family. Everything that has happened on Tatooine is in the past, and that is now where it has to stay. I will never go back there, and Padme and Obi-Wan both know that. It's a place where my past ends and my future begins, and my future is here with the both of them, traveling the galaxy, saving people who need to be saved.

I turn round as I hear footsteps approach and smile at the Naboo Holy Man that Padme had found to carry out the service. We both have a lot of confidence and trust in him, purely because he is a long time friend of Padme's family, and he has assured us that anything that goes on here will be taken to the grave with him.

I step away from the balcony and into my spot to his right. I give a slight wave as R2 and 3PO trundle out to the balcony and R2 beeps and whistles excitedly. After spending so much time with him, its funny how quickly I have picked up the meaning of his coded language and can practically understand everything he says.

Then comes Padme, my angle, the light of my life. It's cheesy and I know that at some point everyone says it, but she really is the only one that I could spend the rest of my life with. I feel my jaw drop as her beautiful chestnut hair gleams in the sunset, and small rose petals fall gently around her. Her silk lace dress hangs delicately around her, the train gliding gently off the floor. The sunlight catches the smooth material in its sun kissed rays and makes it shimmer as she walks smiling towards me.

I breathe in gently as she stops just in front of me, at first looking down at the floor before bringing her deep chestnut eyes to meet my blue ones. She smiles gently at me as the holy man's words softly whisper along with the calming winds song.

Then it hits me and I smile gently back, we really are here, both of us getting married to each other. It had only been a couple of months since we were reacquainted after 10 long years of being apart, but every year that I had been away was filled with dreams and thoughts about Padme. That was what pushed me harder to continue my training, to keep me and Obi-Wan alive. I wanted to prove to Padme that I wasn't that funny little boy she left all those years ago, I wanted to show her that I had grown up, that now I was more than just a friend and we were meant to be together as my dreams had shown.

"Anakin Skywalker, do you take this beautiful young lady to be your wedded wife?"

I look to the Holy Man then back at Padme, smiling a smile that I don't think I have been able to for many years. I see slight concern in her eyes as I hesitate to answer and I quickly look down at the floor, swallowing my tears as I realize just how quickly my dreams were coming true. Looking back up at her, keeping my loving gaze fixated on her sun kissed face, I mutter the three biggest words that I know will change my life forever.

"Always and Forever."

I can see Padme fighting the urge to fling her arms around my neck and kiss the life out of me, and I know she knew that I was fighting the urge to do the exact same thing to her. I listen as the same words are spoken to her and my ears ring with the honey sweet voice of her as the words are whispered from her lips. The last few seconds of the Holy Man's speech was just a blur in my ears. Padme takes my left hand in her hers, and I gingerly hold out my right one to her. I smile as she takes it without hesitation in her warm hand. I can't feel anything in the replacement limb at the moment, Obi-Wan wanted to get me off of Courascant as soon as I got better which left no time for modifications, though I told him I'd be doing modifications before too long.

I watch out the corner of my eye as the Holy Man smiles over us and steps gently out of sight. He had told us before the ceremony that he wouldn't hang around. But my gaze doesn't follow him, at the moment I couldn't care less if he blurted our union to the whole world. As Padme looks up at me with concerned brown eyes, I can tell that she is still worried about what could happen if anyone finds out. Without hesitation however, her forehead quickly meets mine, and as though our lips were magnets, we were soon locked in a loving kiss, one that I will treasure for the rest of my life. Nothing that anyone could do to me would make me forget this moment, the moment that my life as Anakin Skywalker, lonely lost slave boy ended, and I truly began as Anakin Skywalker, married to the prettiest girl in the galaxy, Padawan to one of the greatest Jedi masters in history as far as I'm concerned and the happiest man alive at this point in time.

As we separate, Padme's smile falls into place and she draws in closer to me, releasing my hands and wrapping her arms tightly round my waist. My arms take their place round hers and we gently turn to look out over the lake. Her head rests against my chest and I hear her sigh contentedly and look down to see her eyes closed, breathing in the cool evening air as I had been just a few minutes before.

"Ani…we did it."

"And there isn't anything that can happen that will tear us apart."

Suddenly, Padme pulls gently away and looks up at me, her brown eyes again shining with concern and a slight hint of fear. I take her shaking hands and hold them, frowning concerned.

"What's wrong? I thought this was what you wanted."

"Anakin it is, it really is. But what you just said…there is something that can tear us apart."

I sigh as realize what I think she means, and pull her close to me again.

"Padme, if the Order ever found out, I would leave it to be with you. There isn't any way that they could get me to stay unless the accepted that me and you are together. We love each other and that isn't something we should be ashamed off."

"I know that…I was talking more about what happened in the med center."

"What?"

"I…I lost you Ani…you were consumed by dark and I couldn't get you back, I had to call Obi-Wan to save you. What if that happens again Ani? What if it overpowers you and there isn't anything I can do…I would lose you then…I couldn't live if that happened."

"Padme…I was weakened in the med centre remember. Most of those healers were trying to kill me anyway. I promise you, with Obi-Wan and you by my side, there isn't anything I can't fight. Our love will always prevail over anything…anything and I don't want you worrying about that, alright? This is our special day, one that should be remembered for joyous reasons. This is the turning point in my life Padme and I couldn't be happier that it has come."

I smile down at her and see the calming smile appear back on her face, eyes swimming with tears as she cuddles back into my chest, closing her eyes. But instantly I feel something inside of me is wrong, and I know that I have just lied to her. The dark that attacked me in the med centre was my own, one that still resides deep in my heart, my soul.

As I look back over the lake, I can see shadows forming everywhere, and I know that no amount of praying or whishing would get rid of those shadows…no amount of love or protection was going to stop the shadows from creeping back up, Palpatine had damn near told me that. My mother's words rang through my head and I sigh as she reminds me, _you can't stop change, no more than you can stop the suns from setting. _

A big change in me had happened, and I cant stop that, I cant stop the sun of my life rapidly setting as somehow I know, frighteningly, that my days as the good man that I know I am are numbered. I managed to gain the love of my life, but I just cant shake the feeling that I am losing myself in the process.


End file.
